Victorian Story Part 3

Victorian Summer
Story of the Pearl Necklace, Part 111


Summer 1887

Teresa sat in a park on the other side of the city. She was thinking now of Denby. She didn’t really like to think of Denby but she made no attempt now to force him or any thoughts of him from her mind. So she had got over him but somehow she felt that they had ended their relationship with each other in a natural way ; Yes they had taken their relationship to the natural end. The marriage or whatever it was just didn’t work out and she felt that there was a kind of agreement between them about that. 

Yes this was the summer of 1887, four years on from the summer when Teresa met Denby and married him. Antoinette was in her life again. Antoinette was there when she had first met Denby but had gone to work in the country just before she married Denby. Teresa had also, in a way, grown up with Antoinette as she had with Jackson. That would always bind them together perhaps in some way. 

And as she sat in the park, Teresa felt there was something similar..there was a kind of similar atmosphere between that summer four years ago and this summer. She had said goodbye to Jackson some weeks before. She wanted a fresh start..or something like that. She felt anxious now and she remembered how she had that same sense of anxiety four years before. There was also that same sense of expectation. Or you felt rather that you shouldn’t expect anything, that lack of expectation.  

Still there was other similarities to that summer and Teresa thought about this as she sat in the park: And this summer now? What did she feel as she sat in the park? Yes it was another summer, another summer in another year…and it was that slow summer…there was a feeling of nakedness, of being exposed…but not of being exposed to the elements.. but rather to the sunshine…. and the sun was gentle but strong… and warm too but still you were exposed to it ..and you still felt that fragility and exposure….the exposure not only of your soul..or maybe not the soul….at least the exposure of the body with that thing called the mind within..to the sun outside.... Yes you were open to the sun..all you had to protect you was your flesh and something called the mind but that couldn’t protect you from the outside.

Yes Teresa felt vulnerable this summer of 1887 but it was a strange vulnerability that she felt. She had a job in the theatre now so she wasn’t just surviving. She had only herself to feed although Antoinette would occasionally ask her for some money. She felt too that Antoinette would soon ask her if she could stay in her rooms for a while. Anyway she didn’t mind if Antoinette did stay with her. 

Still Teresa liked to be with Antoinette. And as she sat still in the park, she remembered Antoinette telling her some days before that she had thought that Teresa had made a mistake marrying Denby. Antoinette had asked her if she felt alone or vulnerable. Was this why she married Denby?, Antoinette had asked her, and then there was that necklace too. Jackson had mentioned this to Antoinette later when they met again. Antoinette told her this and Teresa smiled as she thought about it now. Maybe Antoinette was right ; maybe she shouldn't have married. Yes of course Antoinette was right. Of course she felt vulnerable that summer but still she felt she had to marry Denby. Denby seemed to like her, even love her. He even gave her that damned necklace. 

Still as Teresa thought about this, she still felt that it was a mistake that perhaps had to happen. Denby had asked her to marry and she just accepted. At the time she could do nothing else. Then, of course, the marriage had later been annulled so it was as if nothing had ever happened. Still something did happen.

And Teresa liked to be with Antoinette now because Antoinette helped her to think about Denby and the man that he was. Yes Denby was sensitive like herself, he was weak in some ways too ; Yes he was troubled in some way but she herself was so troubled too that she couldn‘t really help him. And then there was Aimee. Aimee was Denby’s cousin and when Teresa first knew Denby, Aimee was there with him. Teresa remembered him sitting in the coffee-shop with Aimee and she had thought she was his lover or something. When she met Denby, she also met Aimee. They came together in some way. She remembered them sitting in the theatre together too and there was a strange aura of elegance to her. Maybe it was a specific kind of bohemian elegance. In some way Teresa felt that Aimee wanted to protect Denby ; They were in the city together and they wanted to help each other. Still Aimee seemed to disappear when Denby began to woo Teresa.  

Even now, Aimee was a mystery to her but she was a mystery that Teresa herself didn’t care to try to solve or discover. She just liked to think of Aimee. There was a strange soft aura which still belonged to Aimee. Yes Teresa regretted stealing money from her. That was something that troubled Teresa in her marriage and it troubled her now in some way. She should never have stolen from Aimee but Teresa wasn’t sure that Aimee knew it was her! Actually Aimee probably never knew it was her. Aimee would have told Denby!  

Still Aimee was someone Teresa could love or like and even now she wondered whether Aimee contributed in some way to her growing attachment to Denby. However when they were married, Aimee never visited. She wondered about this. Maybe she thought she was no good for her cousin. Maybe she did know that she had stolen from her. Aimee had liked her but maybe she had doubts about her, her character perhaps. Anyway, she didn’t know. Teresa heard later that she had loved an artist and became a kind of muse to him

Maybe it was Aimee too who encouraged Denby in his love for Teresa. Teresa knew herself she was an outsider. She was really a no-body who worked in the theatre. Yes Denby thought she was fascinating and all that but without someone’s encouragement, Denby surely would never deign to woo her and finally ask her to marry him or least of all think of marrying her. 

Now Teresa remembered that summer when she met and married Denby. She had just got some work in a theatre. She had danced and sang but that summer she was just working backstage. Sometimes she had danced but she had stopped performing. Maybe she wasn’t confident enough. Yes it was something like that. Still as she thought about it all as she sat in the park, maybe if she had performed more, she could have found a rich lecherous benefactor. Still, she was never that sort of person. She never wanted to be kept at all. She felt too that she was a respectful looking girl and she knew she gave off an aura of respectability. Maybe that partly explained Denby’s attraction to her. It might have explained how Denby and Aimee easily accepted her into their world. 

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Summer Four years before: Summer 1883

Another Victorian summer was beginning. The atmosphere was imbued with the air of early summer. It was the beginning of summer, yes, and you could sense this too. And there was a strange and intoxicating mix of spring, summer, day, evening and early night in the air. You felt at the bottom of the summer, in the depths of summer, and you were on the edge and the summer was beginning. Yes that was how Teresa felt as she leant against the wall that evening looking at the passers-by. 

Teresa was standing almost in the shadows looking at the passers-by on that holiday evening. Jackson was standing in front of her and Antoinette, another friend, was beside her. All three had just walked through the nearby market together. Lionel, who had been with Antoinette and Jackson drinking earlier in the day had left them in the market and it was in the market that Teresa had joined them having come from work.  

Teresa had an innocent and soft look in this sunny light. She tried to stand in the shadows but you could still see that soft innocent face. Still at other times, you could see her hard skin, and a hard look too in her eyes. She had a slender frame and a sharp nose. She was not conventionally pretty. Above all, Teresa had an optimism and innocence about her. Maybe it wasn’t innocence actually. Maybe it was more a child-like maturity. She was a young woman who wasn’t a stranger to the streets and she was obviously comfortable and at home too among the men and women who came out at night.

Now Teresa leant against the high stone wall behind her. She didn’t really feel tired but she felt the brightness and light of the day tearing into her. She wasn’t sad or angry at all but she was conscious she didn’t feel so well and she looked quickly at Jackson in front of her. Antoinette and Jackson had been with each other all day. They had been drinking of course and they were tired as well as drunk but Antoinette was really more intoxicated than Jackson. Teresa had joined them in a public house and they had walked together through the market to this place. Later Teresa would go again to the theatre, where she worked. 

Jackson stood away from the two women as Teresa turned to Antoinette beside her. She realised that she was the only one who felt like talking. Antoinette and Jackson in front seemed content to be quiet but she knew of course that Antoinette and Jackson were slightly intoxicated. And Lionel of course, who had been with them, had gone home to sleep off his drunkenness.  

Teresa looked quickly at Jackson. She wasn’t sure why he was looking around so much but he seemed anxious. Or maybe he was just tired, tired from the sun as well as the drinking. He just seemed anxious. Still if a policeman passed, they might think he was a pickpocket or pimp. However he was wearing a workman’s cap and he looked like a workman too. They would arrest you for anything just for looking suspicious but Teresa knew too she didn’t look like a prostitute or anything herself. Perhaps Jackson was looking out for the police man doing his rounds but really Jackson had done nothing wrong. 

Jackson was a careless sort, about her own age, while Antoinette was perhaps a few years older. He could be forgetful but maybe he just wanted to forget things quickly. She knew herself she was like this. She didn’t like to remember things too much or look back and in this way she and Jackson were alike. And you could say Antoinette was stronger than them both. For Antoinette didn’t mind looking back, thinking about herself, thinking about her problems. And Jackson of course could be hard and selfish too but as Teresa thought about Jackson, she realised that she was grateful to Jackson in some way. Jackson had introduced her to an acquaintance who worked in the theatre ; He introduced her to friends and people he knew. 

Teresa pushed herself off the wall that she was leaning against. Maybe she did look strange and harlot-like in that pose. Still no-one was looking at them ; No-one was looking at her. People were walking through the streets and it certainly wasn’t like a working day. It was the evening anyway and it was still light. There was that extraordinary fresh sunlight. The evening was making you alive and you really had to live to-night, but not live or exist like a harlot…a prostitute..or a pickpocket..or a pimp…Such a glorious sunlight!

Then Teresa turned quickly to Antoinette who had her back turned to her and seemed to be looking almost forlornly into the distance. Antoinette had a heavy mature look about her although she was still a young woman. Now she looked lonely. Still like Jackson, it was probably the mix of drink, sunshine and walking that contributed to her tired and forlorn pose. 

Teresa felt and sensed that it was beginning to be night although it was still sunlight. But this day would last long because it was summer. And you needed some money and food to last out the long day! She knew that Antoinette would lead her later after work to some dingy public house. That was if Antoinette wasn’t so drunk and tired. But Antoinette would probably go back to her room to sleep soon. And in dingy public houses, they would perhaps look for some men but Teresa didn’t really want this. 

So the night would be long and all there was was that lonely soft summer light and now Teresa looked around again. Now they were all tired and really just looking at the world passing them. Teresa looked at Jackson again and thought, ‘What world was he in now, was he pimping, pick pocketing.. .a bit of everything probably…‘. She tried then to ask herself what she was, who she was: ‘I never think of myself as cheap..as a street girl..but I am….Antoinette is…look at her.. Look at Antoinette…look at Jackson…we’re cheap…we’re almost criminals’.  

Then she suddenly poked at Antoinette and said: 
‘Are you going out to seduce a man later, Antoinette?’ 
Antoinette wasn’t surprised by Teresa’s sudden movement or her question either. A short while before, Teresa and Antoinette had joked about seduction and men. Antoinette answered quickly:
‘Seduce..? You know what seduction is, Teresa, don’t you…I can see it in your eyes..You’re young…seduction..that’s a word I know but it’s not all about seduction with men, you know, is it Teresa..is it Teresa..?’ 

Teresa looked at her and realised that Antoinette was definitely tipsy but she was speaking sense. She saw that Antoinette was waiting for her to answer but she didn’t know what to say. Then Antoinette turned away and said: 

‘I’m so tired, Teresa. What can I do..I need a man..’
Jackson muttered something and turned around to them. Teresa noticed then how tired he was. He said then:
‘I’ll give you money..’ 
Antoinette answered quickly:
‘I need food, Jackson…someone to help me..properly..a man maybe’, Antoinette seemed to drawl and Jackson said in a monotone, tired way:
‘I’ll give you food’. 
Then Antoinette looked away and seemed to speak to herself in a drunken kind of way. Still she wanted her words to be heard by them. It was just that she didn’t have the energy to turn and face Teresa. Teresa heard her saying:
‘I’ll drink later..I don’t want to lie with a man.. I hate them…..I lived with a man who was good to me ..and then he was bad…but I don’t need a man now…I need money of course..food..but not now..Jackson..a bed for later…Yes a bed for later where I can lie with a man…I know..not a bad man..’ 

For Teresa suddenly, Antoinette seemed to be speaking about the unsaid world of prostitution which the three tried not to speak about but which was always in the background. It was a grubby word: prostitution. But what wasn’t grubby was trying to survive, getting some money together. You needed money and food and shelter. 

Then Antoinette spoke again:
‘I want to work.. Factory work…I’d like it..but I can’t.. I feel it’s …‘, then she was suddenly quiet.  
Then Jackson turned to face the women and addressed them:
‘I’m tired’, he said and he stood looking at Teresa and then Antoinette. Then he said:
‘I’m going to make some money….are you coming, you want to make money?’  
Antoinette replied quickly, almost angrily:
‘Shut up Jackson, you’re tired..go home and sleep.. I’m going home..’. 

Jackson looked directly at her but not in surprise. He just seemed magnetised by her. He was probably not expecting such a response and he turned away to look at the people around him. 
Then Antoinette said to Teresa as if Jackson wasn‘t there:
‘You know Jackson, don’t you? He’s alright but he’s a pig..’ Teresa looked quickly at Antoinette and saw that glazed look in her eye. 

Then Jackson turned quickly and put his right hand to Antoinette’s face. He wasn’t rough and he just put one hand to her right cheek. 
‘Don’t talk like that, woman..you call me that…I’m not going to call you anything…’. He tried to smile as he looked at her. Antoinette remained still. However Teresa knew Antoinette wasn’t afraid. This was all a game. Then Jackson spoke:
’You’re not afraid, are you?’, he said.
Antoinette answered quickly:
‘Of course not.’
Then he seemed to forget what he was going to say.
‘You’re not afraid’’, he muttered as he took his hand from her face. He suddenly saw a policeman in the distance…
‘Come on, women‘, he said quickly and the three walked away. 
Teresa thought: ‘We’re street-girls…and we walk away from the police…but I don’t look like a factory girl..working girl…Antoinette doesn’t either..’ 
Then Antoinette addressed Teresa again: 
‘Teresa, you know any work..‘ 
Antoinette seemed to be smiling to herself but then she looked at Teresa,
‘You saying something, Teresa…you heard me?’
Teresa looked quickly at her and Antoinette said:
‘Teresa, I need work…’
‘I’ll look out, Antoinette’.
‘Yes factory work…any work...yes..’

Jackson walked straight ahead as Antoinette walked beside Teresa behind him. Then Antoinette said:
‘He’s angry about something. Is it the police , did you do something, steal something, Jackson…?’
Jackson didn’t answer. 
Then Teresa said:
‘I’m going to work in the theatre..' 
Antoinette said quickly:
‘You’ll find me a job won’t you Teresa..’. At this stage, Teresa knew Antoinette was really drunk and she really just accepted what Antoinette was saying. She heard Antoinette then saying:
‘Sometimes I like life…I like my life now..I’ll get a job …I’m surviving.’
‘Antoinette..will I ask in the theatre…?’
‘If you want… damn it.. I need a man to pay ..’
Then Jackson turned :
‘Damn you women. You don’t know what you want..’ 
They all stopped. This was going to be one of those drunken arguments. 
‘What do you want?’ Antoinette said quickly, ‘What do you want.. Jackson..go and drink with Lionel..’
Jackson looked quickly at Teresa. Then he was silent. And he quickly put his hand on Antoinette’s shoulder..
‘Are you drunk…I help you girls.. I help you and all I get is abuse..well well..where’s Lionel..’
Antoinette looked at him almost in surprise as she said quietly:
‘Maybe he’s lying somewhere or else he’s drinking..’

The mention of Lionel again made Teresa think of something earlier in the day. Teresa had just come from the theatre and she stood with Lionel, Jackson and Antoinette in a market place. Lionel was by then very intoxicated. Lionel was about the same age as Jackson and Teresa. As they stood together, Lionel leaned over to Teresa and tried to grope and kiss Teresa. Teresa didn't mind such behaviour or more precisely she didn't mind him touching her that time earlier in the day. Other times, she could be impatient with him and push them away. However she didn't push Lionel away then.  

But what Teresa thought about now was that man, that man who she knew from the theatre, and she had seen him in the theatre sometimes. She knew he was middle-class or something. She knew too he had seen her working in the theatre and he certainly knew her to see. Maybe he liked her too. She wasn't sure but now as she thought back, she remembered their eyes meeting. Yes their eyes met and that was something! Fortunately she had nudged Lionel to the side or she felt that the other man couldn't see Lionel anyway. There was a crowd in the market-place that afternoon.

As the three continued to walk now, she remembered Antoinette and Jackson looking away as Lionel carelessly let his hands drift over her body. Yes Teresa didn’t mind this and she knew that Lionel didn’t actually fancy at all when he was sober. He had tried to kiss and grope Antoinette too but the latter pushed him away quickly. Still all this was nothing, nothing at all, just some fun for Teresa. Lionel was really more a friend and would remain a friend at least in the foreseeable future. And Teresa nudged Lionel quickly aside in a friendly way as she tried to look where the man was going. 

She wasn't sure if the man had seen her with Lionel and the others. Above all she was embarrassed by Lionel groping her. She hoped he had not seen this and as she looked over, he was looking away. Maybe he hadn’t seen this but then he turned again and their eyes met. She saw quickly that softness and gentleness in his eyes, that look of understanding. She didn’t think he saw anything. Anyway it was crowded. She looked away quickly.  

Yes Teresa felt that he obviously hadn’t seen Lionel grope and kiss her! At least she hoped not! Still he obviously knew who she was. He seemed to recognise her. So he did know her. He had seen her in the theatre. Or maybe he looked at her and fancied her there in that market scene. Maybe he didn’t know her from the theatre. 

Still Teresa put all this out of her mind. Why am I thinking of all this. I don’t want to..
Without thinking, Teresa put her hand on Antoinette shoulders.
‘Little pet’, Antoinette said quickly. 
Then Jackson turned and saw Teresa with her hand on Antoinette’s shoulder. Teresa took away the hand without thinking and Jackson said in a friendly way:
‘You’re going to work, Teresa…we might see you later…are you going back to bed, Antoinette…’
‘I’ll rest, Jackson and then I’ll meet you later..earn money’.
Jackson stared at them as Teresa out her hand on Antoinette’s shoulder again. Teresa said:
‘You’re not selling your body on the streets, Antoinette, are you? ’
‘You know I am Teresa’. Antoinette stopped and then seemed to think. She continued: 
‘But it’s not regular…I just need money now…’. 
They were quiet as Antoinette said suddenly:
‘Selling your body, is that what you called it..Teresa?’
‘Yes it’s a fancy term..fancy term..body..body..as if the body is everything’, Teresa said almost drunkenly.
She felt Jackson looking at them and then he said:
‘I’m going home, women, but I’ll see you both later’.
Antoinette had her head turned to the ground:
‘I’m tired, so tired..will you take me home, Teresa?’
‘You know I can’t.. I going to the theatre now’
‘You play games with me…get your hand off me’, Antoinette said quickly.
Teresa listened and seemed to smile.
‘I’m going’ , Jackson said, ‘You play your games…I’m going..’


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A few weeks later, Teresa sat with Antoinette and Anette a young woman who worked with Teresa backstage in the theatre. That man, who Teresa had seen in the market, was there in the corner of the coffee shop with a young woman. Perhaps it was his fiancee. Teresa of course had seen this young man since the market in the theatre. That woman was with him before also. 

Teresa seemed to be daydreaming as she sat across from Antoinette. She was vaguely thinking of him and who he was. She sensed that this man liked her but what could she do..be his mistress or something? Did he want to spend a night with her? Teresa herself didn’t feel like a long relationship and anyway..why would she get involved with this man who seemed to be in a relationship already with this woman beside him. 

He seemed too to belong to a higher social standing. It felt wrong for Teresa to think of society in this way. Her own parents had taught her not to think of classes or social strata in this way but it was an irony that she knew herself she had got caught in these class distinctions. Anyway, the man himself liked her and he must know who she was. He seemed to understand her and he wanted to talk to her..perhaps to have a proper relationship. Yet who was this woman beside him? Maybe it was not his fiancee after all..

Then she saw Antoinette looking at her, almost studying her:
‘Are you dreaming of something…Teresa’ Then she saw Teresa staring in the direction of something and she turned quickly and followed her gaze. She saw then the couple in the corner. Teresa looked at her and said: 
‘They come to the theatre…Antoinette..I‘ve seen him there.’
Then Teresa heard Anette saying beside her:
‘That man’s looking at me’.
Antoinette replied, looking quickly at Anette, and then turning to look straight across at Teresa:
‘You mean he’s looking at Teresa..I mean he can’t see you..Anette..’ Anette seemed surprised as she said:
‘You’re playing with me, Antoinette, of course he can see me..’
Teresa then said turning slightly to Anette who was sitting beside her:
‘Have you seen him before, Anette..I mean in the theatre?’
Anette said quickly:
‘I don’t care…’
‘You care if he’s married..?’ Antoinette said.
Anette replied:
‘I don’t care if he’s married..do you Teresa..?’
Teresa seemed to become suddenly quiet and she glanced quickly at the man again. Their eyes met and Teresa seemed to be put off guard. Yes there was something soft and gentle in his eyes. Yes he was a gentleman and she wasn’t used to that.
Then Anette said jokingly:
‘You don’t care if he’s married..do you Teresa? Look he’s looking at Teresa..Antoinette…he’s looking at her..‘, Anette stopped. Then she continued:
‘I mean he’s looking at us, Teresa. Oh we’re dancers, lovers, angels. We belong to the theatre now and all men want to love us. You know.. ‘. Then she continued again: 
‘Men like that, that’s why girls like us go into the theatre. Dance with him, you fool Teresa, you’re a fool not to..go to him..’
Teresa remained still and seemed to be thinking. Above all, she was thinking that perhaps this wasn't his wife or fiancee. Maybe it was just a relation or a friend or something and then there was the thought that this man perhaps wanted to go out with her, woo her, have a proper relationship with her. She looked across at Antoinette almost beseeching her for advice:
‘He wants me ..to talk to me..and maybe that’s not his wife..’
Anette said:
‘You’re right..Maybe it’s not his wife..dry young thing..’
‘You need a man to look after you..we all do…’ Antoinette said, ‘Look he wants love and care..something that girl with him can’t give..and.. ’
 Then Teresa said:
‘I need money..’
Yes you do..you’re so lonely, damn it, Teresa, go after him.. You do..’ , Antoinette said. For a second there was quiet in the group and then Teresa said:
‘I don’t like men who wear their shirts buttoned like that. ..all collared up.. I don’t like their clothes that they hide behind….women are more flashy, dressy aren’t they…?’ 
‘You like men, don’t you Teresa, you like men, you want to seduce them and play with their hearts…’, Anette said quickly.
Teresa smiled as she replied :
‘ I want to play with their hearts…’. 
Then they seemed to become suddenly silent and Teresa heard Anette asking her:
‘Will you marry, Teresa.. I mean..will you ever marry?' 
Anette saw that Teresa was surprised by her question and she glanced at Antoinette and then again at Teresa. Then Anette continued:  
‘You know some people never marry, it’s not in them, so Teresa, I want to know your answer..will you ever marry?’
‘I’m alone, I feel alone…if I find someone….’
‘Someone to love you?’, Anette asked.
‘No, not really.’
‘Children?’
‘No. I want protection..’
Then Antoinette said quickly:
‘You mean a house, roof, shelter, money..?’
Teresa nodded in agreement and Anette said quickly:
‘Teresa’s too spiritual for that…’ 
Teresa replied:
‘What do you mean ‘spiritual’ .. come on Anette, I’ll marry if I have to ..I’m not going on the streets, I’m not going to be looking for shelter every day…if I have to marry I will..’ 
‘What an answer, Teresa! ’, Anette said. Then she turned to face Teresa beside her:
‘But it’s what I think too..Teresa..yes if I marry, I marry… of course if a man asks me..and I’m lonely..or no…I’d like children..’ 
Then Anette stopped and seemed to think as she said:
‘But you need more than protection..more than…I mean..Teresa..don’t you, more than that...’
Teresa looked at Antoinette quickly and then answered:
‘Yes Anette, you need more…I don’t know…actually..I don’t know..’

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Antoinette came to the theatre regularly now. Maybe she was drawn to it like the way Teresa was drawn to its world too ; The world of colour, of acting, of music. It was strange that Teresa herself always associated colour with the world of the theatre and in a way Antoinette did too but Antoinette never thought about it as much as Teresa. Above all they were both attracted to its life and sense of ‘aliveness’. Antoinette had found casual work in a factory but she came after work to see Teresa and so did Jackson too sometimes. 

One evening, Anette and Teresa came outside the theatre to talk to Antoinette who was sitting on a beach nearby. Antoinette seemed to be waiting for something. Teresa noticed a forlornness about her and maybe Anette did too. There was that lack of meaning, that yearning for something, that wish that life would begin anew but the question was how would this happen? Teresa felt it too, this wish for some sort of movement or action in her life. In a way she was excited by the world of the theatre but perhaps there had to be something else. Maybe the answer was marriage, or some sort of family life or maybe some other kind of meaning. But did meaning happen in the lives of people like Antoinette and Teresa?

As they approached, Antoinette suddenly raised her head when she saw them approach. Teresa heard Antoinette ask suddenly:
‘Do you have a man, Anette?’
‘You mean do I have a man for to-night, is that it…?’Anette answered quickly. She saw then that Antoinette was joking with her and that Antoinette was obviously tired.
Then Anette said to Teresa as they sat down beside Antoinette:
‘You have an admirer, Teresa, is that it, it‘s that man we saw in the coffee-shop, weeks back, you know, Antoinette?’ 
Antoinette nodded quietly acknowledging that she knew. 
‘I’m tired’, Teresa said.
‘You don’t like being followed…is that it?’, Anette said to Teresa. Anette was talking about that man again. Teresa didn’t mind talking about him. He was actually some kind of mysterious stranger now because he had not made any movement on his part to woo Teresa if that was what he wanted! 

Teresa raised her head and looking at the back door of the theatre said:
‘He doesn’t follow me…who is he.. who are you talking about anyway?‘. Teresa just kept looking straight ahead of her and Antoinette glanced at her and saw a confused look in Teresa's eyes. Still Teresa knew who Anette was speaking of but instinctively she wanted Anette to be more clear about whom she was speaking. Indeed there were other prospective lovers for Teresa. It was just that this man was different in some way. 
‘I hate this game…‘ Teresa then said. 
They sat quietly and thrn Anette rose to go back into the theatre, Antoinette turned to Teresa and said:
‘I wonder does he want you as a lover…is that his wife that was with him..’
Teresa smiled to herself because she herself had been vaguely thinking of this man and it was strange too that Antoinette was too.
‘Such a sport..such a cad’, Teresa said trying to be theatrical.
‘Such men who play with a woman’s heart…will he play with yours..?’ Antoinette said.
‘That’s a song.. I like that’, Teresa said quickly. They were quiet then and Teresa then spoke suddenly again:
‘I’ve seen him in the theatre.. He never speaks to me..’
‘He’s shy… he admires you from a distance… can you teach him..can you teach him to love..Teresa? ’, Antoinette said turning to Teresa. Teresa turned too and they faced each other and then Antoinette nudged at Teresa playfully below her breasts. Antoinette turned away then and said:
‘I must wash.. or something…I can’t think of men anyway…Is he looking at you..looking for you,..I’d just go to him…and ..’
Then Teresa said:
‘Maybe he really likes me..’
‘Of course he does..he has a soft face..sorry Teresa…I’m playing with you..after work, see if he comes…or go to him..’

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A few days after Teresa stood outside the theatre waiting for Anette who was still inside. In the still night, she suddenly saw the man in the distance. His face and demeanour seemed fresh and bright. She felt that he had not been in the audience that night. He had obviously walked down to the theatre, perhaps deliberately to meet her. He seemed to have seen her and she looked back instinctively for Anette. This was the night that it would all start, she felt. Then suddenly she felt afraid. It was an emotion that she couldn’t control and she realised that for the first time, she really felt fear. Perhaps it was the fear of this man and what he represented or symbolised i.e another social stratum. Why was he deigning to come down to her level? 

Later when she talked again to Antoinette about this period in her life, she remembered the fear she felt when she saw him approaching her. There was this man in front of her and Anette somewhere behind and all she felt was fear. In that moment as she looked away, she thought about the men in her life, men like Jackson and Lionel , men like the theatre manager and all those other men with their grubby hands who tried to touch her. Still they didn’t do it often because Teresa herself knew she wasn’t at all a bosomy voluptuous sort. And she felt sad and alone now. Yes at this moment as she, in a way, waited for him to approach her, she felt alone too. She felt sad in a way but she didn’t understand the origins of these feelings, this feeling of aloneness, then of sadness and then that fear. 

Yes this man belonged to another world. That was one of her first thoughts. Maybe he was middle class. He looked professional too, a young professional. He looked like a clerk or something. Perhaps he had a natural love for the world of the theatre and maybe the working class world but he still belonged to another world himself. Yes he belonged somewhere else. But the theatre itself in a way transcended social classes. Yes it was ironic that they met at the theatre because the theatre itself was a unique place for that reason : the reason that it transcended classes or social strata.

But there was that fear too in her! It was the fear of something new with this man! She felt she mightn't belong to this man's world. But she wanted to. She just felt tied down to her own world, to this world of Jackson and others but they were tied down too! Still she felt that she was mired too in this world, a world where she got drunk and almost wasted a life but she couldn’t blame another human beings like Jackson and Antoinette for her predicament. She chose to be their friends. She chose to get drunk with them but she was comfortable with them too! She was comfortable with men like Jackson and Lionel too who were really outsiders in society. They had built their own society and she was comfortable in it. She knew no real fear from them and they didn’t expect anything from her. 

Then as she looked at this man, she noticed he had stopped walking. She tried to beckon him to come but there was that fear again. Fear again. Some kind of fear entering her heart and she wished that it wasn’t there. Yes fear, fear in her soul. Was it in her mind too ? She looked over at him. He was looking at her and in a way studying her. There was only this man and her and he himself was beckoning to her. She realised in a flash that she hadn’t actually beckoned him at all. She was just rooted to the spot. This fear again was in her and she felt unable to move her arms. Suddenly she thought that perhaps he wanted to proposition her and she walked to him. 
‘Sir’ she said softly but directly.
‘What is your name?‘, he asked directly but he obviously made an effort to ask this question in a soft way. He was a young professional man and she remembered instinctively that she was still near her place of work. It was a source of relief that she could still act like the servant or worker to this man. He was the client still whether he frequented the theatre or otherwise. 

In the light she saw then his face more clearly. He was a naturally heavily built young man. He wouldn’t be considered handsome by the standards of the day but he obviously had a personality. She saw that in his eyes and overall bearing. She saw quickly too that he wasn’t really a shy man at all. She felt he had made a decision to approach her this evening and he had done this. Again she remembered that it was best to act like a servant or a worker in his presence, someone who was offering a service. 

For above all she had never been approached by a man from another background or social stratum before. There were no rules she could follow so she thought quickly how best to proceed. Yes it was best to act like the girl from the theatre who was offering some kind of service! He seemed to be looking at her but she didn’t know and there was that silence between them. Then she looked around without thinking.
‘You are alone?‘, she said turning back to him. In an instant she regretted saying this. She had no idea why she said this and only later did she realise that she had asked it because of some kind of memory of the woman who was sometimes with him. 

‘Sorry, is there something wrong?, he asked. Instinctively she knew at this point that this man obviously was attracted to her in some way and that he wanted a proper relationship with her. They were like too dumbstruck lovers but she felt uncomfortable being in this role, this role of the admired woman. Yes here was a kind of equality too. This man was treating her as his equal. Yes maybe he liked her and love in it’s own way creates that equality between individuals. 

She thought of asking what he wanted but she knew instinctively in his eyes that he wanted love or something to do with that and she felt fear again. She didn’t know who he was yet. Was it right to pursue a relationship with someone like this? She didn’t know this man? She didn’t know where he came from? She, who had talked and drank with people like Jackson and Antoinette, felt a kind of fear in this man‘s presence. But perhaps she would have felt fear with any stranger whether from her own social stratum or not. Maybe she felt too because she hadn‘t been with a man for a long time. 

She felt as she looked quickly into his eyes that he wasn’t going to proposition her. She saw this. He didn’t want to bring her to his room or whatever that night. He wanted a relationship and she tried to follow up the conversation on this line. He looked at her and then she said quickly uttering the first thing that came into her mind: 
‘You like the theatre, sir. I’ve seen you’, she said this quickly aware that there had been some silence. She thought again that there was something wrong with this question. Was she meant to have seen him? He looked at her and smiled. He said then:
‘Do you want to go for a walk now? I’d like to know you better, you know. I’ve seen you many times and I like you.’ 
‘Of course’, she said without thinking, instinctively replying to his first question. Then she said quickly:
‘But some of my friends are waiting.’
He seemed confused and she looked back quickly in the direction of the theatre.
Then she saw Anette beckoning her and shouting:
‘Teresa, are you alright?’
Teresa just looked back almost confused and in fear. Yes there was that fear in her again but now she felt more alone than ever. She didn’t answer and she saw the figure, that she knew was Anette, walking away.
She continued to look back at the receding figure of Anette and was conscious of the man studying her. She turned again to the man.
‘Teresa, that is your name?’, he asked. 
‘Yes that is right.‘
‘I’d like to take you out..can we meet again…‘, he said then in an almost stilted way and she replied:
‘I’d like to…‘. Then she said:
‘But I have to meet friends now…will you call again to-morrow or we‘ll meet at the weekend..’
‘Henry Denby's my name, yes. We‘ll meet again', he said immediately after this, not seeming to hear what she had said
Teresa looked straight ahead of her as she said in the most gracious way she could:
‘Of course, that would be nice.’ Then he said:
 'Call me Henry,' then she said quickly '
‘My name's Teresa', she said automatically. She knew immediately of course that he knew her name already. It was that fear again.
‘Will we meet after you finished work and go for a drink, go to the coffee-shop.' 
‘Yes’. 
He looked at her closely and seemed to be thinking whether he should kiss her but he put out his hand to take hers and he held her hand in his hand for a second as he said:
‘We‘ll meet to-morrow, Teresa'.
Then he walked away. 


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Four years later when she sat with Antoinette, Teresa remembered the fear in that first meeting with Denby. She looked closely at Antoinette now and she saw that she had changed from all those years ago when she came to the theatre. She remembered her looking quickly around at the man who was watching them in the coffee house but she wasn’t as agile as then now. Still she had just met Antoinette weeks before. They had talked of Teresa’s marriage, the man that Antoinette had been living with and now they were talking of Denby again. Teresa looked across at Antoinette and said:

‘I was so lonely when I met him, Antoinette. He surprised me, you know. Sometimes I forget about those first meetings with Denby. You know I don’t think I thought clearly..Maybe some kind of love developed you know over time..and I think about that..but I’ve thought a lot about Jackson, that necklace..’.

Then Teresa stopped and looked closely at Antoinette who seemed to consciously remain still, to consciously control the movement in her face. Teresa said quickly:
‘Don’t look at me like that.. It was like I abandoned everything to marry him..I did..I was so alone..but that first moment I saw him.. I felt confused you know…not frightened….I thought it was difficult to frighten me…but..I really felt fear..you know..the first time I met him’.
‘You never told us’, Antoinette said softly.
‘Us’ seemed to refer to herself and Anette who were Teresa’s closest confidantes at the time that Teresa met Denby. 
Then Antoinette said:
‘Hold my hand…you are afraid now?'
‘I’m not afraid..not now..I learnt to love him..he was the man I married.. I am roman catholic after all..oh that religion..’
‘Alright you married..but it was an error’, Antoinette said.
‘Yes I made an error..’. Teresa was quiet as she tried to think of Denby. She said then:
‘But he was so calm.. so gentle sometimes..even on that first evening..he didn’t know what to say..but that’s what happens in those situations..my father wanted me to marry years earlier but I didn’t want it…I ran away.. sick ..so sick of that..Antoinette what am I going to do..marry again..’
‘You want to marry..?’
‘What about you?’
‘To be honest..that’s it… I don’t think about it..neither do you..maybe living together all that..but the middle classes..there’s marriage for them..there’s my child too..the child I put in the orphanage…I miss her.’ 
They were quiet and then Antoinette asked:
‘Why did Denby marry you..?’
‘He was attracted to me..was that it..I mean..no..he liked me..he liked me..of course.’ Teresa stopped and seemed to think. Then she continued:
‘Yes I think it was that and Aimee… that was the woman he was with…she was his cousin. maybe she just encouraged him..of course after a while..I realised he wanted to free himself from her.. You know.. more freedom..He introduced me to his friends too but we never went out with them..so we were alone..and that was a tragedy..because I felt sorry..pity for him and Aimee after a while left us..I felt so alone in the countryside…I wanted to come back…it didn’t feel right..living in the country away from everything.’

This was Teresa remembering the first meetings with Denby four years later. Still she didn’t mention that the fear that she felt as she stood with Denby outside the theatre faded but then manifested itself again in the country. 

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The following day after Teresa’s first meeting with Denby, Teresa talked to Anette outside the theatre. Anette said in an offhand way: 
‘I think he’s a real admirer. You should pursue him. There’s a chance’.

Yes Teresa thought to herself: This is a chance …but this is life. It’s natural that someone like Denby could love you. We meet in a theatre. He obviously likes this world. He likes me..not as a mistress…really ..really..as a woman..

So the fear that Teresa felt on that first night went away and it was replaced by hope, a strange kind of drive, a kind of aspiration, a need to be confident. Maybe she suddenly saw more clearly the life she could lead with a man like Denby as she imagined Denby with the clothes he wore, the way he behaved. The following night, they sat in a coffee-shop and he talked about his job as a clerk. He told her then that the woman she saw him with was his cousin. She understood that he came from a different world to her. He had different aspirations. Above all as they talked, she was aware they could be comfortable together. They were comfortable in their silence. He didn’t expressly ask her about her work and here began a relationship where they could be silent together.

One night, he introduced Teresa to Aimee. It was then that Teresa saw two individuals rather than one individual. She had felt they were always together. She had seen them in the coffee-house and then the theatre together but now they were two distinct people. She had thought that something strange, maybe a kind of blood relationship tied them together so that it was difficult to break them up. You had to take one with the other but she saw then that yes they were both individuals. Denby was his own man as they say and Aimee was her own woman. 

Maybe it was a middle-class thing for cousins to protect each other in this way. She saw then Aimee’s drive to be a kind of artist and years later it was perhaps the remembrance of Aimee which propelled Teresa into pursuing a relationship with a penniless artist when she felt and knew that her marriage with Denby was failing. Yes Aimee told Teresa about a certain school of Art called the Pre-Raphaelites. She mentioned the new artists with their penchant for Greek and Roman culture. 

Aimee was certainly not snobbish. Aimme was learning too about art and she was sharing her journey with Teresa and Denby ,and for this willingness to share, Teresa was grateful. She felt Aimee never looked down on her but why would Aimee or even Denby look down on her? Denby obviously liked her and she learnt quickly that he liked her as an equal and so did Aimee. And what she learnt the first tme she met Aimee and Denby together was they were both outsiders in a strange way. Teresa had always thought of herself as an outsider but now she saw that Denby and Aimee were kinds of outsiders. Aimee was an outsider because of her obvious drive to understand art and Denby had a certain sensitivity to him which could make one an outsider. 

After this meeting, Denby and Teresa first sat together on the couch. They kissed and Teresa felt in his touch that he could protect her as a man could a woman. No physical intimacy happened but Teresa felt that it was only a matter of time. They were obviously drawn to each other. They fell into each other, you might say.

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It was quiet , a soothing summer evening, when Denby and Teresa sat together in Aimee’s rooms. Teresa felt that Aimee’s father or someone had paid for all this. Still it wasn’t too elegant and there was an obvious simplicity to the room that the three sat in. And there were paintings on the wall and above all the whole atmosphere was fresh and strangely new to Teresa. There was an elegance and freshness in this salon that they sat in.

As Teresa sat beside Denby, she thought vaguely: Aimee goes to the theatre to see another world…she can see another world..her mind is so fresh..she can understand and all…I wish I could understand..the theatre..art..and all instead of walking and living as if through mud..I can’t see…’

Teresa felt Aimee’s gaze on her. She looked up at Aimee: Aimee had that long angular silhouette. Then Teresa thought of saying she looked like a model in one of those paintings but she felt that her words would sound stupid and of course, if Aimee asked her to explain, she would not be able to. Yes Aimee had a certain angular silhouette but still she had a certain voluptuousness too. Maybe this was contradictory but she could imagine Aimee filling out and putting on weight and this would suit her. Or perhaps Aimee would try to retain that angular silhouette. There was her tallness too but Aimee wasn’t obviously tall. She was the same height as Denby and Teresa herself was much shorter than both of them. 

Yes Aimee’s silhouette was an artist’s silhouette for this new age . She hadn’t the full ideal breasts of past artists beauties but she had a face that you could study. Yes a woman’s face that another woman or man could study. Perhaps she was the first woman who Teresa really looked into and where Teresa saw a woman’s beauty shining there. Teresa knew that she wasn’t meant to think of a woman’s beauty or to study beauty in this way. It was not the way she was brought up. Still in this new setting, it was Aimee’s charm and elegance which filled the room and Denby like Teresa didn’t seem to really belong there.  

Teresa had been invited to Aimee’s rooms by both Aimee and Denby. Denby had his own rooms where he lived and she had been in them but Aimee’s rooms were more elegant and clean. There were some paintings too and she felt that this was the place where Denby himself talked to his friends. Yes he would bring them here to Aimee’s rooms and Aimee wouldn’t mind. This was a kind of centre of Aimee’s and Denby’s social world. Aimee had just said she was leaving soon to meet friends but Denby and Teresa could stay. Yes there was an easy charm and obvious elegance about Aimee.

Yes such charm, such sophistication in all this! This could be a real drama and it was a drama that Teresa felt willing to act a part. Especially now that she had seen these rooms with their elegance and that certain style which Teresa knew Aimee gave to the rooms.  

Teresa glanced up at Aimee who was standing above them. Teresa was sitting beside Denby on the settee. She thought to herself that this was the first time they were like a couple. Yes they were comfortable beside each other but as she thought about this, she felt afraid. Yes the thought and realization of being beside Denby bothered her.

Denby had asked her to meet him near Aimee’s rooms and they had walked here. It was the first time that she felt like a lover or mistress and then there was the new figure of Aimee. Here was a new person, figure that would give something like flesh and solidity to Denby’s world. Teresa knew of his work in his office but she didn’t really know about Aimee. Teresa knew that she was his cousin and they were close but now she felt that Aimee was like a mother, a wife because she cooked for him.

As Teresa sat beside Denby on the couch, she became conscious suddenly of the boots beneath her long skirt. She sat forward without thinking as Aimee asked her suddenly:
‘Do you like art..you work in the theatre..Teresa?’
‘I like art…the theatre..’ Teresa sad looking up at the figure of Aimee standing at the mantle-piece. She felt herself repeating Aimee’s words and she felt then that fear again. Hours spent with Denby had got rid of the fear but now she felt it again sitting here. The images of hours spent in the public house..even the theatre flashed before her…and then the manager groping some of the girls…’
Then she heard Aimee ask:
‘You’ve been to the countryside, Teresa…?’ 
‘When I was young once… my family sent me down…but actually I hardly remember it..’, Teresa said. For a second there was silence and Aimee said:
‘We’re like brother and sister, Teresa, Henry and I. I can call you Teresa can’t I?
‘Of course’. 

Teresa tried to smile and she was conscious of Aimee’s small gestures. There was meaning everywhere, but it was because her body was so angular. Still there was a certain fullness and fleshiness in her body and face which could appeal to men and her slender frame, that appeals, Teresa thought to herself. And she had soft auburn hair over her shoulders.

Teresa thought of her own gestures. Even though she was smaller than Aimee, she felt more clumsy than her. Even now she felt ungainly in her clothes. Maybe it was the clothes that made her clumsy..but her gestures too....She was conscious of her body. Yes she hadn’t the body of Aimee, who was taller but Aimee had an artist’s model frame. Still there was an elegance in Aimee’s gesturing and movement which attracted Teresa and when Teresa later married Denby, it was from Aimee that she herself learned how to be a mistress of a household.. 

Yes Teresa always felt she was an actress ready to incorporate new gestures into her self, into the way she behaved. She looked up at Aimee and then thought of her hands. She still had her gloves on but she felt that it was acceptable to retain one’s gloves and she knew too that her hands weren’t as soft as Aimee’s hands. Yes Aimee’s hands were really hands, with the form and structure of what hands were meant to be. Teresa felt her own hands were so ugly and ungainly.

‘Don’t be scared of us..You’re not scared of me, are you Teresa, is she Henry?, Aimee asked. Aimee was standing at the mantle piece. She seemed to be performing ,acting up there but it was a performance that Teresa wanted to look at.  

Then Aimee smiled at Teresa in a playful way. It was to accent the fact that what she just asked had nothing to do with social stratum. She would have asked this of any woman with Denby whether of the same social stratum or not, who was just being shy and quiet.
Then Denby said:
‘Of course not, are you Teresa?’
And Teresa echoed:
‘Of course not.’
Aimee said:
‘I know that Teresa. You’re like a spark. You are in the theatre and you can‘t be afraid..of anything..did you act?’
Teresa said quickly:
‘Yes I have acted…I want to go on stage again’, she looked directly at Aimee and Aimee seemed to be trying to understand something. In her mind, Teresa wasn’t at all thinking of the stage in terms of Bernhardt but rather burlesque, singing and some acting.
Then Aimee said:
‘Yes I love the theatre and I love it because of its excitement..the new architects have made theatre into a new form of art..perhaps..’
Teresa said quickly:
‘What do you mean?’
Aimee seemed to think:
‘You mean about a form of art..?’
Then Teresa saw in a flash Aimee’s youthfulness. There was a certain immaturity about her, that young beauty, that beauty with youth still, that beauty with immaturity. And there was a certain lack of confidence in Aimee too. She had an obvious nubile beauty, yes and Teresa saw too that Aimee was conscious of her body, of her face. Despite Aimee’s aspiration to understand art, there was an eagerness to look good, to look like the artist she wanted to be as well as to be ‘in her mind’ that artist.
‘The architects..’, Teresa echoed softly. 
Aimee looked at her and said quickly:
‘I mean architects are designing new theatres..they’re so beautiful..but can you say that theatres.. I mean the theatre buildings are beautiful..with those gargoyles..those columns..that whole shape…’
They were quiet as Teresa was conscious of Denby sitting beside her. Aimee said: 
‘I’d like of course to be a kind of artist…the theatre.. I love that… and I can say it this to you,…I like your plays, your acts in your theatre.. that comedy ..those acts…they are so earthy..yes earthy.. that’s a word I like..’
‘It’s a job to me’, Teresa said and she tried to keep in eye contact with Aimee.
‘Will you show me your world…’ Aimee then said almost provocatively.
Teresa glanced up at her. Aimee said quickly:
‘Yes I know you understand…I mean of course..that you are lucky to work where you do.’
‘Not always…its sweaty…but the noise, the colours… the night..’ Teresa was conscious of her words but she saw that Aimee seemed to like to hear her words, those words, that way of speaking. 
‘Yes’, Aimee replied.  
Then Aimee said looking at Denby:
‘You know I’m meeting friends but you stay here with Teresa..’

When Aimee left some minutes later, Teresa rose almost immediately to stand at the window and look outside.
‘I like looking outside these windows’, she said turning to Denby. Denby looked up at her and seemed surprised by her sudden movement as she rose from the sofa. Then Teresa looked down at him again and saw that Denby seemed to beckon her to sit beside him again which she did. She said softly:
‘Like lovers..she leaves us like lovers’
‘We are that, aren’t we’, he said with confidence…
‘I can’t talk with Aimee about art and things but she doesn’t mind..’
‘Of course, Teresa but she is not so educated…or she is just learning..Art is a world and she is just on the threshold and she has some friends, artists..and one day..she will run away with one.’
Teresa was quiet and Denby asked:
‘You don’t want to go out?’
Teresa didn’t answer this question immediately but then she answered:
‘No’ and she said quickly without thinking:
‘Funny how Aimee leaves us alone..and we just talk.’
Denby didn’t seem surprised by these words..
‘You mean we don’t kiss?’
Teresa didn’t mean her words to be understood like this. She was really trying to say that Aimee should have stayed with them for she was beginning to be fascinated by Aimee. She wanted Aimee to tell her more about her world. Then Denby leaned over and tried to kiss her lips but Teresa’s face was turned and he kissed her cheek. 
‘I like that’, Teresa tried to say in a soft way.
She continued:
‘I just mean I hope Aimee doesn’t feel left out.. Does she have somewhere to go..’
‘Of course..to her friends..’
Then Teresa put her hand on Denby’s knee and they sat quietly for a while before she rose. 
He looked up and he heard her saying:
‘We’re lovers now.. You know.. Aimee leaves us alone…we’re…’
He seemed surprised by these words…:
He seemed to be thinking of what to say and she came back and stood above him. He said:
‘You’re beautiful, you’re spontaneous. You’re clever..’ 
She felt uncomfortable suddenly. There was that fear again as she said:
‘Don’t stop..’ 
Then he said:
‘You’re tired’ and she sat down and she put her head on his chest..

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Teresa stood in the public house beside Antoinette. She felt drunk and was conscious of being slightly aggressive. Yesterday she had been with Denby and Aimee in Aimee’s rooms and the atmosphere in this pub jarred with her now. She had felt this as she entered with Antoinette. Jackson and Lionel were already there drinking. Still as she became more drunk, she became more aware of this atmosphere jarring at her. And there was some kind of strange anger and aggression in her and she was making an effort to control it in some way but she couldn’t.

Then as she stood in the corner with Antoinette, she heard Jackson mention ‘Denby’ next to her. Where had he heard that name…she knew then Antoinette had mentioned it but she didn’t mind..maybe Jackson was just asking about this man ‘Denby’ but he was asking it in that rough way he did when he was drunk…

Denby who is he to you..?’, Teresa asked sharply and quickly. She asking it without thinking. It was that drink, that aggression. 
‘Who is this Denby to you?’, Jackson asked seeming not to have heard what Teresa said. He didn’t seem to grasp Teresa’s sharp tone. Maybe he was so tired and intoxicated.
‘Is he your lover..your damn lover, Teresa?

Jackson’s quick remarks didn’t surprise Teresa. It just made her mind sharper. She knew Jackson didn’t really care about Denby and she felt that she shouldn’t have answered him so quickly and angrily. She knew he didn’t like being spoken to in this way when he was drunk. Antoinette seemed to be surprised too by Jackson’s sudden aggression and she tried to alleviate the situation. Then Teresa heard Antoinette asking in a playful but mocking way:
What is he anyway, who is he Teresa, we want to know..it‘s natural….don‘t we Jackson?

Teresa felt Jackson calm down beside her and she looked quickly at Jackson who was looking across at Antoinette. He seemed to be confused. Yes he didn’t care about Denby. He had just heard that Teresa was with a man. Then he said looking at Teresa:
‘I don’t care Teresa who you are with… alright’. 
Then he turned to face Teresa and said:
‘But why don’t you get some money…?’
‘Wait, Jackson..what are you saying..?', Teresa said quickly.
‘Teresa, I know you need money.. I know.. So why don’t you ask from your lover…‘
Teresa listened or tried to listen to him. Then she said:
‘He’s not my lover..at all.. Jackson..’
‘Alright, he’s not your lover, Teresa..but what ever he is….admirer..friend..why don’t you ask him to help you..’
‘Help me?’ Teresa said softly in a confused kind of way.
Antoinette then said:
‘He’s right..Jackson’s right..‘ 
Teresa said quickly:
‘Shut up Antoinette.. I mean when I’m with you now.. I’ feel I’m falling..So you‘re telling me to steal..’
‘Don’t get angry..Teresa‘, Antoinette said before Jackson said:
‘I never said to steal..now you’re not making sense…I never said to steal.. Did I ..Antoinette.. Did I ?’, Jackson seemed to be getting more aggressive again and then Teresa saw Lionel walking towards them. She said quickly:
‘Alright, Jackson, is that all you wanted to say to me?'
Then Jackson suddenly said
‘Go away Teresa, leave me, angry woman..’ He turned and walked away.

Then, suddenly Teresa felt a man trying to put his arm around her. She turned quickly. It was Lionel who was looking into the distance hardly aware he was putting his arm around her.
‘What are you doing, Lionel…I don’t want..’, Teresa said turning to face Lionel.and she tried to push Lionel away. He stepped away confused and he seemed drunk too.
‘Leave me damn alone’ , Teresa said staring at him.
Jackson was looking at them now and Teresa saw Lionel turning to him and saying:
‘She really is drunk, Jackson.she is mad..that woman..’
 
Lionel and Jackson then went to the bar together while Teresa stood by the door looking at them. She felt angry about something. Maybe it was the sudden realisation of how different the setting in Aimee’s rooms was to this dingy setting of a public house. Yes she would try and leave this setting..she couldn’t fall..she couldn’t let her life go to failure when she had a chance…this man Denby liked her…she had to take this opportunity and go where it led.. anyway..but she needed to change..she was so used to this life..this rut…she had to change herself ..and she knew she was angry..it was just something stirring within her making her angry and this anger mixed with drink…that made it worse…She wished she hadn’t been so harsh with Lionel but she just didn’t want Lionel to put his arm around her…No..it wasn’t right..yes it just wasn’t right…

Then she saw that Jackson had turned and was walking towards her. Without thinking, she shouted: 
‘Leave me damn…’Lionel turned and looked at her. It was that anger again..where did it come from?
She heard Lionel saying in the distance:
‘She really is drunk…’
Then Jackson said looking directly at Teresa:
‘He wouldn’t like to see you like this, damn..Denby would he..would he marry you?.’
Antoinette turned to him and said:
‘Jackson leave her alone…’ 
Jackson didn’t seem to hear what Antoinette said and he continued:
‘You women..what ..but I’m not going to hit you’, Jackson said quickly.
‘You damn well aren’t’, Teresa shouted. Then she saw Jackson in the corner of her eye. He had turned away from her and had gone over to Antoinette beside her. 
She turned to look at them and saw Jackson looking directly at her and she said quickly:

‘I’ll marry if I damn want’, Teresa said without thinking but she knew she was drunk and she knew too Jackson was drunk and she vaguely felt it was wrong to agitate and stir him. Then she heard Jackson saying:
‘He will never ask you…be his wife… look at you..you truly are a wreck…and don’t talk to me like that..alright…the way you do…’ 

She felt Jackson looking at her but then he turned away. She felt confused and tired. She didn’t want to reply but then she felt Antoinette looking at her and in a flash she thought carefully about what Jackson had said. She furrowed her eyes and seemed to think. It was the words that she was not good enough or something for Denby, that she might not be able to marry anyone ; That made her think. Still she was not angry at Jackson actually. She didn’t mind him saying this that Denby would not marry her ’looking like this’. It was perhaps the truth and it made her ‘certainly’ reflect.  

Yes in a way she was thankful that Jackson had said something realistic and true. Still the words jarred at her. She didn‘t want to talk anymore and she felt she couldn‘t say anything. She felt like she had been so obsessed or something with Denby and now Jackson had brought her down to earth but she felt angry. Or maybe it wasn’t anger. Maybe it was confusion or some kind of sadness. Then she heard Lionel shouting to Jackson:
‘Leave her alone, Jackson..’
Then she felt Jackson beside her again and there wasAntoinette on the other side of her. 
‘Look I’ll get you a drink, women’, Jackson said addressing the two women together. 

Then Jackson tried to turn to Teresa and face her. Maybe he felt embarrassed by what he had said but he really just wanted to see whether he had hurt her. He didn’t know whether he had said anything wrong and he actually really doubted whether he hurt her. It was difficult to hurt Teresa. He knew this but he felt instinctively he shouldn’t have said what he did.
‘Sorry Teresa’, Jackson muttered. 
‘That’s alright..‘, Teresa said suddenly in a strange moment of clarity.
Then she heard Jackson shouting for some drinks. Antoinette said beside her: 
‘Are you going to dress up, buy a new dress for him..’ Antoinette stopped suddenly. Teresa was turning to look at her directly. She knew Antoinette was not mocking her but to ask a question indirectly about Denby just after what Jackson had said surprised Teresa.
Antoinette seemed to understand what she said:
‘I didn’t mean it like that…don’t listen to Jackson…no I was thinking Teresa..I need a lover..I’d like an admirer too…’
Then Teresa said suddenly:
‘I’ll wash my face,..my body.. If it makes me feel better…he dares to look at me..doesn’t he…Denby ..he’s a friend, he might be a lover..he might marry me … mightn't he…’
Antoinette knew Teresa was drunk. She looked carefully at Teresa in profile. Yes she’d better be careful what she said. Antoinette herself hadn’t drunk as much as Teresa this night. She looked at Teresa almost kindly and she said:
‘But is he good for you Teresa, that’s all..?’ 
Teresa turned immediately to Antoinette and replied:
‘Of course he is Antoinette…you’re not talking sense…who do you think he is..have you seen him..damn you..Anette’s jealous too..damn her..’
‘I’m not jealous..Teresa..I’m just asking…’
‘Alright, sorry, Antoinette…’ Teresa looked ahead of her at the counter. She saw Jackson talking to Lionel. Then she heard Antoinette asking:
‘And you’re not going to steal from him, Teresa ?’
Teresa felt unable to turn her head to look at Antoinette and she spoke quickly looking ahead of her:
‘Are you a friend…Antoinette…stealing, thieving..why..you are not good for me.. you all..you think I will steal from him..ruin it all…I am a good…you really think I’m bad …bad stuff.. don’t you…’
‘You said you had no money’, Antoinette said looking at her.
Then Antoinette continued to speak:
‘You said you were bad off…you couldn’t pay your rent…Teresa.’
Teresa said:
‘No Antoinette..I’m above that..I don’t want…I’m above that…stealing..and thieving ..it just doesn’t make sense…why would I steal from him…no..no.. you’re not making sense..’
Then she felt Jackson beside her. He put a glass in her hand. Then he said repeating Antoinette's final words:
‘You‘re not making sense, Teresa…’
Antoinette looked carefully at Teresa, saying:
‘You’re here with friends…you can talk to us..to me.. Teresa'. Then Teresa said almost automatically:
‘But Jackson wants me to steal..’
 Jackson said quickly:
‘I don’t want you to steal…I said…what did I say..Antoinette..that she could..that he..this man could help her with her rent..and all…’
Then Teresa turned suddenly to face him:
‘You made me steal, you make me steal.. you all..it’s not good for me’
‘Here we go again...’, Jackson said looking at her but she was looking away now. In her drunken state, she was not able to look at Jackson directly in the face. Then Teresa was quiet as she felt Antoinette’s hand on her shoulder trying to calm her. She heard Jackson say:
‘You would have stolen anyway, come on..there’s your drinks, anyway women…Antoinette, Teresa…I don’t want a fight, Teresa..and Teresa...can I say.. I hate my life..Teresa.... I don’t want to steal...anything.. I’m not bad stuff either..so just..’ 

Jackson was quiet again and she felt Jackson looking at her. He said almost kindly:
‘Come on Teresa, this man..your admirer ..he doesn’t mean nothing to you..‘ 
‘Then why do you care, Jackson? ’, Teresa answered looking straight ahead. She turned to Antoinette and said:
‘Then why does he care..?’ Antoinette didn’t answer and Teresa continued:
‘He sees all this as an opportunity for himself....I think..it’s an opportunity for me too..’ 
Then she heard Jackson say:
‘Take some money from him…get something..and just leave him…even run away..Antoinette is thinking of going to the country to get work…he’s nothing…’
‘I know Jackson, you’re a friend..I’m just…’
They were quiet as Teresa said suddenly:
‘Jackson, you made me damn steal that time months back… didn’t you..I don’t want it and you think I will steal from this man..’
‘Come on Teresa, I didn’t force you..’ 
They were quiet again. They seemed to have these sudden bouts of words, then silence. It was like staccato talk. Then she heard Antoinette saying:
‘Alright…and this girl he’s with…’.
Teresa looked ahead:
‘Alright, I don’t want to think of him, of them..I‘m tired….Antoinette, I’ve told you..that’s his cousin..’
Then Teresa turned to Jackson and said:
‘I might be just a girl to him..but I might have a chance with him… .but I’m tired…so tired..’
He replied:
‘Teresa…and why don’t you take whatever you damn can and just finish with him…he‘s a chance.. an opportunity… you said that word…yourself.’
‘Jackson…. .but he’s all I have…I mean isn’t he..please…he’s my escape from this life..’
‘What are you escaping from, Teresa?’, Jackson asked.
She was quiet. What was she saying. She didn’t know herself what she was saying. 
Then she heard Lionel shout ‘I saw Nelly outside just now’.
Nelly was the woman Jackson lived with.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



A week later they stood together in the public house again. This time Antoinette was drunk. She had told Teresa that she might go to the country to work in a factory. Yes she had work now but she wanted to go to the country to work.

Teresa had just come into the public house. She hadn’t drunk any alcohol and she stood fresh-faced from the evening air outside, her hair tousled too from the wind. She noticed too that Jackson had just entered and he too was fresh faced. He was sitting with Nelly in the corner and she saw Nelly rise and leave the public house by the other door. She stood by the door and then Antoinette moved beside her. Antoinette said almost speaking into Teresa’s left ear. 

‘You still have your worries..you can hardly pay your rent and you won’t take money from your admirer, Teresa, dear…will you’. 
Teresa turned quickly to look at Antoinette. Antoinette had been at the theatre some hours previously. They had talked of money and all that. Teresa thought quickly that Antoinette must have come here immediately after they had parted. Antoinette had told her that she had decided to move to the country to get work. She had only casual work in the city and she wanted to move.  
‘Please don’t talk about this, Antoinette…I don’t want to talk about this..with Jackson.’, Teresa said replying to Antoinette's question about Denby. 
‘Why would Jackson give you money ..if you can get it from your lover..Teresa..’, Antoinette said then.
Teresa muttered:
‘He’s not a lover, Antoinette…I told you…’
Then Teresa turned quickly and saw Jackson coming towards them. Antoinette spoke again:
‘Teresa needs money, Jackson..and yet she has the theatre..her admirer…why don‘t you put your hands into those coats……’
Teresa felt tired and didn’t want to reply to her. Jackson said quickly:
‘You’re a fool, Teresa’, Jackson said. She turned to face him. 
He was looking directly at her. He was not at all drunk.. He had a fresh face from the air outside. Teresa turned away as Jackson continued:
‘Teresa, I don’t want to talk about this man..this admirer…I have no interest..alright..but don’t come to me looking for money…I’d help you..but you have him…you can seduce him ..can’t you…’
‘Of course..’, Teresa said softly, ‘I’m not asking you for anything, Jackson.’
Then she heard Antoinette say beside her:
‘The little one won’t take money from her admirer…Teresa, dear.. I’ ve never known you like this..Teresa’. Antoinette stopped and then she continued: 
‘But she has stolen from the theatre…Jackson.’
‘Stop, Antoinette..’, Teresa muttered.
‘Oh now you’re guilty..Teresa..she’s guilty, Jackson.’
‘Be quiet, Antoinette..you’re drunk..’ Teresa said softly. Then Teresa heard Jackson saying beside her:
‘You women..why so guilty…I don’t care a whit what you girls do…’
They were quiet and Teresa said suddenly:
‘Antoinette, I don’t like you calling me ‘little one’’.
Antoinette looked ahead of her and seemed to purse her lips. Then Jackson said:
‘Teresa, that’s the least of your worries and you need money, Teresa..don’t you and why don’t you doll yourself up now..’
‘Leave me alone Jackson. I know I’m not making sense…I said I’m not asking you for anything..and I’m not going on the streets..so I’ll take it from him..’
‘You’ll steal from him..is that what you’re..’ Jackson said quickly and Teresa turned to address him:
‘I never said that..no..anyway..I’m only a few weeks behind…I have a job anyway…I’m tired…’
 Teresa felt Antoinette beside her. Antoinette was obviously drunk and she seemed to forget what she had said before. She repeated:
‘Jackson..she steals from the theatre ..’ 
Teresa turned and seemed to study the other woman. She didn’t want to tell her she was repeating herself. 
‘I’ve never stolen money..Antoinette. Just things..’, Teresa said softly looking at Antoinette's profile. Antoinette was staring at the ground. Then she turned quickly looking at Teresa.
‘Alright.. don’t feel guilty, girl....you’re a stupid girl..Teresa…truly stupid..and you have this admirer…and then you need money..’ 
Then Antoinette looked quickly at Jackson:
‘Jackson…I don’t think we should be talking about this..… Teresa you’ve really lost yourself…you behave like a princess…you need money.. I need money.. You need money and you ask us…you truly are..’ Teresa seemed to be studying Antoinette as she was saying all this. Teresa didn’t seem to mind being called ‘stupid’ either and she said calmly:
‘I understand you , Antoinette…’ 
They were quiet and then Teresa said:
‘And what if I want to be his lover..even marry him..Antoinette.. I don’t want to ruin everything…’ She felt Jackson beside them and she was going to turn to address him properly. Then she heard him say behind her:
‘You think he’ll marry you..?’
‘Why wouldn’t he, Jackson? ’, Teresa said turning to him quickly, ‘I mean Jackson..why does he talk to me.. go out with me..we’re like …a couple…so we can marry can’t we..’
‘Yes. I suppose’, Jackson said. 
Then she heard Antoinette saying:
‘This man likes her, Jackson…’
‘Maybe he does’, Teresa said dreamily..
‘Still, if you need money…’ Jackson began to speak but then Antoinette interposed:
‘But she’ll marry him..and she’ll get money…but she‘s not his lover, are you Teresa…she’s not…Jackson..she‘s a proper girl..waiting for a proposal or something…’
‘Yes I am..that’s right..a good girl…’ Teresa said smiling to herself. Then she said:
‘We don’t sleep together…Antoinette..’
‘Oh pet.. you are open with me, aren't you?’, Antoinette said playfully smiling at her. 

Antoinette seemed tired and sat down as Teresa and Jackson stood together. Jackson said:
‘You need money, is that it, Teresa..you’ve fallen behind in rent ?’ He seemed gentle now and Teresa said openly:
‘I’ve told you haven’t I…yes …’ Jackson was silent. Then Teresa asked:
‘Can you give me money, Jackson..?’
‘Why should I give you money for all that..to be with him ..I’ll try and help you with rent…but that‘s all, Teresa..‘
‘Thank-you Jackson.. ‘
‘Why isn’t your lover like that, Teresa ?’, Antoinette said rising her head and looking at them. She continued:
‘Why doesn’t he pay for..why don’t you even ask him…I bet she doesn’t ask..you ask him.. little one..’ Antoinette said. Teresa looked ahead and then said:
‘Jackson. I’m grateful…’
Then Teresa said turning to Antoinette:
‘I’m tired…I hate it when you bring up money..money..and that man..Denby..’ 
She was conscious suddenly of calling her admirer ‘that man Denby’. Only yesterday, they were sitting together on his settee. They were touching each other but that was the limit of their physical contact..

Then Jackson turned away and walked to Lionel who was at the counter of the public house. Teresa was conscious then of how tired she was She was about to go to the bar and ask for ale when she stood still. Yes she was tired.

Then she saw Lionel turning around and looking at her. Teresa saw a strange look in his eyes. She knew he was drunk but he was drunk in that aggressive kind of way. Jackson was beside him and the latter looked to see what Lionel was looking at. He saw that Lionel was staring at Teresa, who was standing almost at the door of the public house. From where Jackson was sitting, you would think she was staring at them, almost studying them but Jackson knew that she was tired. She was simply staring because she was tired but the look seemed to unnerve Lionel who was slightly intoxicated. 

‘Why do you look at me like that…why does that woman look at me like that..she‘s mad..’, Lionel looked directly at Teresa as he said this and he raised his voice so she could hear too. He seemed to shout:
Why does she look at me like that…why doesn’t she leave me alone..isn’t she with some..' He stopped and seemed to be thinking of what to say next. Then he said:
‘Why don’t you leave, Teresa? You’re waiting there by the door..you’re making me…’
 Teresa was suddenly conscious of what she was doing. Yes she knew she was staring in the direction of Lionel and she realised Lionel could become so aggressive over the slightest things. Still as she looked quickly at him and then away, she was conscious of how the atmosphere in a place like this could change so quickly. This type of uncontrolled aggression and anger never happened in the world of Denby and Aimee. Then Teresa said almost automatically and without thinking:
‘I don’t want to leave..Lionel’. Lionel looked carefully at her. She said then, walking towards Lionel: 
‘Sorry Lionel’. However she felt he couldn’t hear her because he turned away and seemed to start talking to Jackson about something. In a flash he had forgotten about her. She saw then that Jackson was trying to calm him.

She stood behind them now and she heard Jackson say:
‘You’re drunk, Lionel..why are you so angry..’. 
Then Lionel turned suddenly to her and caught her eyes. He muttered ’sorry’ and nodded his head. She was conscious then of Antoinette behind her. 
She heard Antoinette say:
‘Lionel’s crazy..what did you say to him, Teresa...?’ 
Teresa turned to Antoinette and said:
‘I didn’t say anything.. I just looked at him and he shouted..’
‘He’s drunk..don’t mind..’, Antoinette said quickly. 
Lionel had turned back to Jackson but now he turned again when he heard the women behind him. He said:
‘Sorry Teresa…Don’t make trouble..Antoinette’.
Then Antoinette said:
‘Don’t say it’s the drink..Lionel..you’re so damned angry..this while…is it a girl or something…damn money…’
‘You’re funny, Antoinette’, Lionel said looking at her, ‘But I’m not interested in talking...’ Then he turned back to the counter. 

Teresa continued to stand behind Lionel and Jackson. She was going to walk away. She couldn’t afford a drink and she tipped Antoinette to say she was going. Antoinette, scarcely acknowledging this, turned around quickly again to talk to Lionel and didn't seem to be aware that Teresa had left the group and was walking to the door. Then Teresa turned suddenly. Jackson was behind her and he said:
‘I said I’d give you money..Teresa..but these people…do they have money..jewellery..take something…ask money from your admirer then.that’s what girls do.. Teresa..he’s seen where you work..he must know you need it…bring him back to your rooms..show him…’
‘Maybe…’ Teresa said.
Jackson said quickly:
‘I’d take some money…of course I’ll try and help you..I’ll give you something to-morrow…but why don’t you take it from him..or that girl..they won’t know..what about the theatre,,the coats..you’re too damned afraid now..take the damned money.’ 
Antoinette came over to them and nudged at Jackson. Then she said looking at Teresa:
‘Teresa wants to be like Aimee..be like her..then take her jewellery..ask her..Aimee…I think she admires Aimee…that girl..cousin.‘
Antoinette stopped but she looked as if she was going to say more and she said:
‘You’re not surely thinking of taking money..stealing from them…the aristocrats..I mean ..Teresa’
Then Jackson turned to go back to Lionel and said:
‘I like that..aristocrats..aristos…’
‘They’re not aristocrat…they’re not even..’ Teresa said quickly to Antoinette as Jackson walked away.


---------------------------------------------------------------------------



Teresa and Denby walked together along the road leading to Teresa's rooms. Denby had wanted to know where she lived and now she stood pointing up p to her rooms.
She muttered ‘ I don’t want to go up, it's a nice evening.. can we walk’. Then she glanced quickly towards the public house at the end of the street. Perhaps Jackon and Antoinette were there. She turned to Denby and saw that he was looking into the distance towards the public house. Teresa said quickly:
‘Will we walk back….’
He said then:
'Why can't we go up..do you not want ..'
'No it's not that...another time...but it's just a room..it's untidy...'
'I understand...'
They were silent then. She closed her eyes briefly as she saw a woman waiting at a corner. She knew she was a prostitute. She turned around quickly. Actually she didn't mind Denby seeing where she lived, the kind of area. He must have known anyway ; He must have had an idea.
A wind seemed to suddenly whirl down the street and then there were the street-lamps around. Just wind and light. She heard Denby saying softly:
‘You showed me where you live..you know where I live…’ He looked at her and smiled.
'We'll walk..you don't mind walking home alone..' Denby said.
Teresa replied:
'No.'
'We’ll walk to Aimee’s', he said but in the windswept street, she couldn't hear what she said and she repeated:  
‘Of course.. I always walk back…I like this area.’ Then she heard him say something. The wind just made her catch a few words. He was saying:
‘I know you are a strong woman..wilful…proud…I like that Teresa…you seem lonely too..but the theatre …it is exciting isn’t it…’
She scarcely heard what he said but she heard him mention the word 'theatre'.
She nodded as she saw him glancing over at her. Then as the wind died down, she heard him speak:
‘Aimee ..she’s lonely too..she’s like a sister and she helped me you know get my rooms together and I want to help her…she has her circle of friends…some artists…’
‘Yes I understand’, Teresa said and in a flash she thought about money. Yes she needed money. Should she ask Denby for money. He had seen where she lived. Maybe she should have brought him to her rooms but they were so unkempt and dirty. Or maybe she should just steal...but this man was wooing her...yes..there was that as well....



---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The following day Teresa stood with Jackson in a park near where she lived. It was dark in the park and some streetlights streamed light into the park. She said to Jackson:
‘I’m not going on the streets again, damn it, Jackson’. Jackson was quiet as Teresa thought: why would she go on the streets anyway...wasn't she being wooed...oh she wasn't making sense.. she was near marriage..anyway…but there was the rent but Jackson would help her..he had given her money..
She felt Jackson looking at her and he said:
‘What’s wrong…?'
‘I don’t know why I talk about money…and even think of going on the streets…don’t I have Denby…’, Teresa said without thinking.
Jackson didn’t seem to understand and he asked:
‘Do you need money for your rent..?’
‘Jackson, I just need it for my rent..and you’ve helped me…and I’m not that bad..anyway there’s Denby…isn't there?’ 
‘Are you his lover..?’ Jackson asked bluntly.
‘Do you mean that if I were his lover..he’ll give me money..no..Jackson he’s not..I said it before..he’s from a different backgtound and all…he wants to marry me…I think..I told you..he likes me.’
‘Of course, Teresa.. You sound so damn guilty..and do you like this damn Denby then ?’
Teresa looked quickly at him. She felt confused. She wondered quickly where this conversation was going.
Jackson sat down suddenly on a bench and looking up at her said:
‘Look Teresa ..I know you are tired…stop talking..I’m going to the public house now…I’ lll go in a minute..' Then he took out some bread to eat.
She looked at him and then away and remained standing at the wall. She said:
‘You’re working on the docks…are you deciding to work for an honest ..wage..you know.’
‘Of course..like you… I want to work for an honest wage...you found the theatre..circumstances…that’s it isn't it..circumstances just drag us down…yes I found some work..I’m not happy..’
 Then he was silent and Teresa looked out of the park. She thought suddenly that she hadn't enough money to buy a drink. 
Then Jackson said:
‘What do you want him for..what do you want them for…this man..and this woman..they are your new friends…you want to use them..’
‘Of course not.. no..Jackson you're not making sense….' Still she had thought of stealing from Aimee and she didn’t tell Jackson that she planned to take some money the next time she was in Aimee’s rooms. Alot of people came to Aimee's house. Yes she had many friends, artists and all and she could think it was anyone. Then Teresa said looking at Jackson:
‘I’m not using them..Jackson...use Denby..is that it..you must think I’m mad..’
‘I know Teresa..I’m going now…Lionel is finishing work..so I’ll leave you now…’
Teresa looked at him. She thought suddenly that she should be honest with Jackson and tell him she might take some money from Aimee but she turned away and muttered:
‘I’m tired..I ‘m so tired..', she said leaning against the wall. Jackson was quiet.
Then she continued:
‘Walking through the streets with him yesterday.. I really felt he was wooing me.. I think I really felt like a couple...you know..I’m not used to that…I mean you have Nelly now...’
‘Of course you’re not used to it….but Nelly...that's different..Denby is different..isn't he.’
'Yes..' Teresa said.
'Nelly is a working girl..', Jackson muttered. Then he said:
'This man...'
‘What’, Teresa stared at him in a confused way. Jackson looked up:
'I don't understand...you need money...'
'You're telling me to steal..'
‘Wait Teresa…it’s always you..I never told you to steal…maybe I did…but if he wants to marry you..then you can wait…can’t you..’ Jackson looked away and then put his hands on his face. He seemed tired and he muttered:
'Shut up Teresa..I’m going for a drink now with lionel.. You come too…I just don’t want to go home to Nelly yet..’
Of course’, Teresa replied. 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The following evening, Jackson stood again with Teresa outside the theatre where she worked. Antoinette had just left them. 

‘Why are you angry, Jackson, I mean you look angry’, Teresa asked, looking at Jackson who was standing a short distance away from her.
‘I’m not angry..', he replied. There was quiet and he said almost spontaneously and without thinking:
‘I have nothing..'
‘I know you need money Jackson..that’s why I am really grateful for helping me with the rent…and I don’t want to go on the streets..what with ..Denby and all’, she said she looking at him.
'Yes..it's alright...I mean I have nothing..my life...you made me think...you going with Denby and all...'
'What?', Teresa replied quickly. 
'No, no..I just feel bad..sad...'
'Are you coming to the pub..’, Jackson asked.
‘I might later..but I said I’d meet him..’, Teresa said.
‘He likes you..does he Teresa..I mean does he really like you?’
Teresa said quickly:
‘Maybe…he seems to..’ Teresa said without thinking. Then she continued:
‘I’m tired.. I don’t feel like talking…’
Jackson looked around and said:
'You should take some money from him...or maybe you have...tell me..' Jackson said raising his head.
'Maybe I might...' Teresa murmured.
‘Of course..Teresa…but I need money too...'
'I'm grateful..Jackson..I told you...'
Jackson replied:
'Yes..I know..but look here..look here in this theatre..you can get money here..…you’re too respectable..too damn afraid..what happened to you..do you know how to survive..Teresa…you look from help from me but not from your damn admirer or his damn friends..but you forgot ...you‘re a survivor…aren‘t you…’
‘You’re not making sense, Jackson..’, Teresa said quickly. Jackson replied:
‘I am making sense..you know so…why am I not making sense then? All I said is you have to learn to survive..I thought you could survive…why can’t you go on the streets.. You want to survive, don't you..and you have this admirer…who might marry you. It’s a better situation than a lot of girls.’
‘So you think I should marry..’, Teresa said looking at him closely. Jackson had been speaking quickly and almost thoughtlessly but now he slowed down his speech. Suddenly Antoinette was beside them. Jackson looked up at her:
'Should she marry this man..Antoinette...help me...' Jackson said. Antoinette looked at Teresa quickly and Jackson said:
‘What should I tell her..Antoinette. Help me..’. Then Antoinette said:
‘I didn’t know you wanted to marry him…Teresa.’
You say I should marry him’, Teresa replied in a tired way. She seemed to be almost staring at Antoinette and Antoinette saw that the tiredness in Teresa's eyes. They were quiet now and Antoinette said:
‘Are you coming to the public house later, Teresa..’
'I might...he said he might meet me..'
There was silence as Antoinette looked at Teresa. She looked as if she wanted to ask Teresa something. She looked as if she wanted to know something and she said:
'Will you marry then..Teresa...?'
‘I don’t know’, Teresa replied and she looked directly at Jackson. Then Teresa continued:
‘I don’t want to go on the streets.. Jackson..Antoinette’. She looked up at Antoinette who looked into her eyes. Teresa continued:
‘What’s wrong with that?.. I want to…I don’t want to fall again..what’s wrong with that..is there..Antoinette...this is a chance..he likes me...’
Antoinette smiled and said turning to Jackson:
‘Is there Jackson…is there anything wrong with that ?’
Jackson was looking at the ground and didn't seem to hear what she had asked. He said:
‘Wrong with what..’
‘Wrong with…what…Teresa…', then she stopped and she turned to Teresa and addressed her:
'You want to survive..don’t you..Teresa’, Antoinette asked and she was aware she was asking the same thing as Jackson had.
‘Yes learn to survive again, Teresa…and don’t talk..act like a fool’. Then he rose and began to walk away. He turned and seemed to wait for Antoinette. He saw that Antoinette was sitting down on the bench and he heard the latter ask Teresa, who was standing in front of her:
‘Do you want to marry him..’
‘I don’t know..’, Teresa replied. 
Then Jackson approached the two women again. Teresa turned and said:
‘What’s wrong, Jackson?’
Then he said:
‘You’ll never be able to go on stage again…never work again..he won‘t let you..you‘re be a respectable wife..you know..when you marry?’
‘What do you mean, Jackson?’, Teresa asked quickly.
‘He’ll stop it….your life..look at his background…..’
This made Teresa think and there was silence. Then Teresa said:
‘I have to go Jackson. Antoinette...maybe he’s at the front of the theatre..’
Then Jackson looked closely at Teresa, her clothes and said:
‘Do you like your life ..I mean all this..your life?’ 
Teresa looked at him almost unseeingly. She looked confused. Really she was tired. 
Antoinette said then:
‘Leave her alone, Jackson..’
Then Teresa said:
‘You’re funny, Jackson.. you’re trying to annoy me..rib me now..aren't you?’
‘I’m not..’ 
Then she said:
‘So my life…my life… you ask me if I like my life…what do you mean?’. He was quiet and she said:
‘Do you like your life, Jackson..?’
‘Of course not.. I hate it ..I hate stealing… I hate it… I do it because I have to..I hate it.. I hate working on the docks…do you understand me…you understand me…’.
‘I understand you Jackson, so do you understand me when I say I don’t want to fall back onto the streets, Jackson and maybe this is a chance…this man ..oh I am tired’.
‘I’ll leave you, Teresa. Are you coming Antoinette?', Jackson said beginning to walk away and Antoinette rose slowly from her seat.



---------------------------------------------------------------------


A few days later, Teresa sat with Antoinette in the public house, Antoinette was waiting for another woman called Andie who was coming with her to work in the factory in the country. Antoinette stood at the door looking out and Teresa sat inside. Antoinette looked out, occasionally turning to Teresa inside. Antoinette was not drunk at all and she had a new energy to her. Teresa felt this as she watched her and it occurred to her that this new job for Antoinette was a new lease of life for the latter. Was Denby her own lease of life, Teresa wondered. 

Then Antoinette suddenly gestured to Teresa that she had seen Andie in the distance up the street and she walked quickly outside. Antoinette wanted to talk to Andie about the work. Andie herself had just separated from her husband and she had some young children who she looked after. She never drank in the public house. Antoinette had told Teresa just now that she had ‘her children’ to look after. 

Then Antoinette came back. 
‘I just wanted to ask her if she was coming..you know… Teresa’, Antoinette said quickly. Teresa nodded and Antoinette continued:
 ‘I know you don’t want to come…I want to go…I need to…it’s a job…’
Teresa looked at her but didn’t say anything. Antoinette looked at her.
‘Will you marry Denby then ?’, Antoinette asked.
‘You go away..so I should marry..is that what you are saying?, Teresa said.
‘You can come…’
‘I can’t come..you know that…Denby..’, Teresa stopped and then she asked:
‘Jackson…’
‘No…Nelly…I mean there’s Nelly…’, Antoinette stopped as she seemed to be looking at something.
Teresa turned around and saw a man in a soldier’s uniform sitting at one of the tables. He was alone and was looking at them.
‘Does he think we’re prostitutes…or…’, Teresa asked turning to Antoinette. 
‘You’re mad, Teresa..what are you saying?’
Antoinette glanced again at the man.
‘I think…will I go over to him..’, she seemed to be thinking to herself as she stood at the door. She looked down at Teresa who didn’t say anything. Then Antoinette said suddenly:
‘Now Andie, the woman I just talked to..she was married….’
‘Oh please…Antoinette…’
‘I’m just saying…that maybe ..’, Antoinette stopped and seemed to think. She looked down at a glass of ale and said:
‘Teresa, is that for me?’
‘Yes’.
Antoinette sat down and started to sip the ale. Then she said:
‘Wait…so you like Denby..’, then Antoinette glanced over at the man and said:
‘He’s watching us…you’re not interested…I mean…I think he’s looking at me…yes I might leave you..’
‘Wait Antoinette, don’t leave me…’, Teresa said quickly. It began to bother her to see Antoinette behave so airily. Yes she was energized by a possible new job. Teresa knew she didn’t really care what happened to her and her relationship with Denby and for the first time, she felt alone. Yes she would have to make the decision. She’d have to decide whether to marry. Jackson and Antoinette didn’t really care. Then she heard Antoinette say:
‘You don’t want to…’
‘Whatt?’
‘That man.. dammit… Teresa..he’s watching us…will I go over to him and get some money out of him..’
Then without thinking, Antoinette shouted:
‘Soldier, buy us some drinks! What’ya looking at soldier..do something about it…’
‘Yes dolls…yes I will…’, Teresa heard the man saying as he rose and went to the counter. He came back with three glasses of ale. 
‘Doll you up for a night..’, he said looking at Teresa.
‘Sir, turn to my friend…’
‘Yes I will.. with pleasure..’, he turned to Antoinette. He was obviously drubk and he planted a large kiss on Antoinette’s neck. She said quickly:
‘Get off soldier..what are you doing?’ She pushed him away and looked at Teresa and smiled:
‘He’s keen…’
Teresa saw that he was a man of their own age. He had a moustache and rosy cheeks and his moustache too was speckled with drops of ale. Suddenly he seemed impatient and said:
‘You’re leading me on..women..look I have to get something out of this..what a kiss…’
‘Alright, have a kiss…’, Antoinette said and she planted a kiss on his cheek.
Then Antointte said turning to Teresa who was sitting looking at them:
‘Are you going…?’, Teresa didn’t understand what Antoinette meant.
The soldier looked down at Teresa and then back at Antoinette. He seemed to think that the two women had a secret code.
‘You women..you’re not going to rob from me?’
Antoinette seemed to take some time to answer this question but then she said quickly:
‘Of course not..make up your mind, soldier..will we go somewhere…just the two …’. Then she stopped and looking at Teresa said:
 ‘You’re not coming…?’
‘I have my friend for her..’, the soldier said addressing Antoinette and Antoinette turned instantly to Teresa:
‘Are you interested, girl?’
‘No, I’m not..’, Teresa answered directly. Then she rose quickly. Antoinette’s behaviour had confused her for a while and this sudden willingness to spend a night with the solider capped it all. 
Teresa said:
‘No, I have to go…have a night of it…both of you..’. Then she walked out of the public house. She heard Antoinette suddenly shouting:
‘There’s money in it…’. Teresa turned and Antoinette said:
‘Soldier boy says he’s give us money..more drinks…’
Teresa said quickly:
‘No thank-you..’
Then Antoinette shouted into the night:
‘Alright then..see you to-morrow pet..’
Teresa turned and continued her walk to her rooms. 



It was a week later and Teresa sat with Denby in his rooms. Antoinette had left suddenly for her new job in the factory the day before. As Teresa looked out of the window, she was thinking of this. She felt alone and sensed that change was in the air. She looked up at the moon. Then she heard Denby behind her:
‘You’re lonely.. are you lonely…?’, Teresa turned. She was surprised by this question. She replied:
‘I don’t understand..’
‘I mean.. Teresa.. .that you look alone..you look so distant standing there..but I want to be close to you..’
Teresa tried to smile and she looked closely at him. She was thinking of Antoinette but she felt it wasn’t right to talk to Denby about her friend’s departure. 
‘Sit down…’, Denby said. As Teresa remained standing, she became suddenly impatient. Maybe she should get married. Yes make the move. Yes make a decision. 
She sat down beside Denby. She said without thinking:
‘I feel alone…my friend..she’s gone to another city…’
Denby seemed interested by this:
‘You feel sad..but I’m here for you.. Teresa…’
They were silent and Teresa looked up at the moon through the open window. She said:
‘It’s cold outside…’
‘I’ll walk home with you..’
‘I didn’t mean that..’
Denby then rose and looked down at her:
‘I want to understand you..’, Teresa heard him saying and suddenly she felt her mind going. She could hardly listen to him and felt she should go. She rose suddenly but Denby said:
‘Sit down. I want to say something…I want to give you something…’
Teresa saw him turn to a sideboard and then he turned back to her with a necklace of red jewels. She believed they were rubies or at least they looked like them. Denby put the necklace into her hand and closed her fingers over it.
Teresa remained quiet. She didn’t know what to think and she heard Denby say:
‘I want you to have this…it’s a gift…and you will keep it forever…’
‘What?’
‘Can I talk to you then about the future, Teresa?’
‘Of course’.
‘You say your friend is gone…but it’s not right to be lonely…I mean.. I am lonely.. but I have you..we have each other…’
‘Yes’, Teresa said automatically looking up. She still had the necklace clasped strongly in her hand and she heard him say:
‘You will think of marriage..I mean..you think we can marry…’
So the moment had come and she didn’t know what to say. Then Denby said:
‘You’re not answering..did you not expect this?’
Teresa looked up at him almost dumbly:
‘I mean..yes…I …’
‘You love me…I love you..you know that I hope…’
‘Yes and I love you..and we should marry…I think..it’s right….’
‘Yes I think so…you are beautiful to me…’
Denby turned then and looked out of the window. There was silence but it was a comfortable silence and Teresa still held the necklace in her hand. She was thinking:
I have a necklace..a real gift.. I have never had anything like this…and it means..what does it mean..it means…marriage.does it…and he says he is lonely…yes were two lonely souls being drawn towards marriage..and I want it…yes I am lonely.. there is no-one..it is right to marry…and that loneliness no..no..Antoinette gone..no..marriage is right..there is the necklace..it is real…I need something real..

Then Denby turned. He came over and looked at her face. Then he looked down at her hand holding the necklace and smiled. She said quickly:
‘I never had anything like this..no-one gave me anything like this..’
‘You like it.. I’m happy…it’s been in my family…and I want you to have it…’
There was silence as he sat down beside her and she said without thinking:
‘So we will marry..?’
‘I want this..do you?’
‘Yes’.



A few days later, Teresa stood with Jackson behind the theatre. There was darkness around them. Jackson looked around him. Then he said after a silence:
 ‘It is quiet now….Antoinette’s gone…Nelly wants to go, you know..we might go.’
‘I know…’
‘So you still want to stay here..are you still so intent on marrying him..’
Teresa didn’t look at him when he asked this question but she thought quickly that maybe she shouldn’t tell Jackson that she planned to marry Denby. She looked up at Jackson and said:
‘I’ m not! Why would I? You sound as if I want to trap him..trap him into marriage..’
Jackson looked at her seemingly surprised:
‘What Teresa…I thought you were trapping him..you’re not making sense…I thought he liked you…’
Teresa tried to think:
‘Of course…I mean…yes..I’m tired…maybe I will marry him..yes because he likes me…’
There was silence again and Jackson looked away and then she saw him taking bread from a pocket and begin to eat it. She thought then: Maybe she should tell him that Denby gave her the necklace. She said quickly: 
‘He gave me a necklace, Jackson. He likes me, doesn’t he?’
‘Oh you are lost, Teresa’, Jackson retorted almost immediately.
‘What..you say I’m lost…’
‘Yes marry him, dammit..I’m tired…’
‘Alright then, Jackson…I’d like to marry, if I’m honest..because it’s right..I have nothing do I? So why shouldn’t I marry?’
Then Jackson saw her take something from her pocket. It was the necklace and she held it out to him as she said:
‘It’s valuable, isn’t it..and it’s not fake…I mean…’
Jackson took the necklace from her and sat on the bench. Teresa saw him looking carefully at it and she said:
‘It’s valuable, isn’t it Jackson?’
‘Of course’, he replied. Then he looked up at her and said:
‘I mean I don’t know..but…’, he stopped and looked again at the necklace. Then he said looking up at her again:
‘Why not run away..take this…you don’t like him..do you..I mean…’
He saw Teresa looking at him confused:
‘I don’t understand, Jackson..but why should I? Doesn’t this mean he likes me?’
Jackson remained silent and .she sat beside Jackson and looked at the necklace in his hand. She said softly:
‘I told you he likes me…’
‘Yes you told me..’ he said almost dreaming, ‘but you are mad..mad to stay with him…what about you…Teresa..’ he stopped and turned quickly to her. He continued:
’I know you have a chance….but all this..and why not take this damned necklace…say you lost it… he likes you..he trusts you..’
‘Wait..he trusts me…maybe I have feelings for him..I don’t know…and he trusts me…and I can’t steal..that means prison doesn’t it? No Jackson..you’re mad..’
They were silent again and Jackson said:
‘Well I’d like to leave..Nelly would..I’m sure Antoinette would like you with her..I’m just saying..it’s not you..I know you..does life with Denby suit you…’
Teresa turned to him:
‘And Jackson..please tell me…that honestly you don’t think I should marry?’
Jackson answered immediately:
‘Alright..I’m not telling you anything..I don’t know…’
Then Jackson rose and he placed the necklace in her hands and said:
 ‘It’s yours..Teresa…don’t think I’ll take it from you..I’m not going to steal it…’
‘Yes you’d take it if you could..Jackson’, Teresa he said quickly.  
Jackson stood away. He didn’t mind her saying this. He was used to her, used to her words and her manner. He said quickly:
‘Of course I’d take it..I know what this is worth…and you ‘d take it..if you could. Why oh why..do you want to marry him? Take this! Look, he gives you this damned necklace. Take it..say you lost it..and go to Antoinette…’
‘I know maybe you’re right..but he’s..I can like him..I could marry him..I could..I think I could…’
The thought occurred to her that Jackson and the others might be jealous of her but she also believed that Jackson was trying to advise her as well as he could. Yes he had a strange way of thinking and yes she knew that he doubted whether she actually loved Denby so maybe he was right...
Then she heard him say:
 ‘You’re dreaming..Teresa…I want to move on..I want to go with Antoinette. Nelly does…’Then he turned away but almost immediately he turned back and faced her. He said quickly:
 ‘And you owe me money…Teresa...what’s to stop me taking this as payment..’
This surprised Teresa. She knew Jackson could be like this. Yes he could be jealous. He could be angry. He could steal. She said quickly:
‘Oh stop Jackson..I only owe you a couple of pounds..this is worth more…isn’t it..?’ He replied:
‘You play with me..Teresa..and I’m not going to stop you or tell you what to do..it’s your damned life…alright.’
They were quiet then. He looked at Teresa taking the necklace from the pocket and examining it again. He heard her saying:
‘You won’t steal this from me..will you Jackson…’. Yes the thought had occurred to her that she shouldn’t have mentioned the necklace at all and definitely not to Jackson. It was only because Antoinette was gone that she was confiding in him. Oh why was she telling him all these things now ? She wanted to marry and that was it. It was right..She felt Jackson was making sense but…marriage was right…she felt really that she couldn’t think properly anyway. Marriage wasn’t such a big step for her anyway and she wanted to escape..
Then he said:
‘You are lost, Teresa…ask yourself…what .he wants..what this man wants.’
Teresa felt now that Jackson hadn’t her best interests at heart or did he? She really wasn’t sure. But they were friends for so many years. He helped her so many times. She was an outsider like him. She thought like him in ways. She stole and he stole and they both were sorry. They were both cynics and yes in a way, Jackson was right to doubt Teresa’s motives in marrying but she had never met anyone like Denby before. That was the thing. She had really never met a man like him before and she never had this chance…but it was more than a chance…maybe it was the right move to marry…
She replied then:
‘What do you mean ? He wants to marry me…everyone isn’t a cynic like you, Jackson. He certain;y doesn’t thinkg like you..and why would he marry someone like me anyway?’ Then Jackson said:
 ‘Not everyone thinks like you Teresa…either…but you don’t like him…I’m just saying! Marry him if you damn want. ’
Teresa seemed lost. Then she said:
 ‘I can confide in your, Jackson , can’t I ?’
He replied:
‘Yes..’ Then she said:
‘This is a chance..isn’t it..I mean this necklace…some women would take this and run away…but what if he reported it to the police…‘ 
Teresa knew she wasn’t making sense. She was talking stupidly now but for years, Jackson and herself were stuck in the mire of just surviving from day to day. Stealing meant nothing to Jackson. Maybe it was right to think of just taking the necklace and running away. It was something to be thought through! 
Jackson seemed to listen closely. Then he said:
‘We can think of something…’
‘Wait ..I‘m not thinking of stealing this.. Jackson..I can’t’. 
‘Then what?‘, Jackson said looking directly at her. 
She was quiet as she said:
‘Should I run away with it..then…?’
‘I don‘t know..it‘s up to you..’, Jackson said…
Teresa rose her head and said:
‘So it‘s up to me.. I thought you had a plan..’
‘No Teresa..I mean if you want to…I‘m sure…I can think of a plan…but I mean you look unsure. Do you want to marry this damned fool…is that it…I can‘t stop you..oh I’m tired.. I don’t want to talk anymore. ’
They were silent then and Teresa put her head in her hands. Yes she was comfortable in Jackson’s company. Yes they were friends. They could talk to each other and in ways she could trust him. 
Then she heard him speaking:
‘I need money..of course…and that necklace…look at it..Teresa I‘m lost.. I don‘t know what to think…’
Then he took some bread from his pocket and chewed it. He said then looking at Teresa: 
‘No, Teresa, you truly are a fool..and you will be happy to marry him but you won’t be happy…’ 
‘Don’t call me a fool anyway..’ she said quickly, looking at him. Then she said quickly:
And he wants to marry me..what about that?’
‘But you don’t want to marry him, do you?’ Jackson said.
‘How do you know..?’
‘I don’t’.
They were silent and then she said almost teasingly:
‘Jackson you talk stupid…you want to own me…one of your girls…and what will Nelly think …the way you speak to me like this’ .
Jackson seemed to smile. Then he said:
‘We are friends above all, aren’t we Teresa..we grew up together …’ 
Teresa looked quickly at him and then away. She said: 
‘Alright this necklace…..this necklace belongs to me…now.’
Jackson seemed to think about something and said:
‘So you will marry him…then?’
‘Yes, maybe’. He replied:
‘Because you think it is an opportunity., is that it..Teresa? You want to escape, Teresa..you want to escape from me.. all this… you are cruel aren’t you…you use men..don’t you..’ Jackson said looking at her. 
‘I don’t’, Teresa replied automatically.
They were silent again as he said:
‘That necklace…would you marry someone just to get a necklace..to own something like that..something that someone like me couldn’t give you..’ Teresa looked at him closely. Maybe Jackson was beginning to make sense now. She wanted to smile but these words made her sad inside.
‘Are you dreaming..are you making sense? ’, she said softly.
‘I am making sense..you would marry for money..wouldn’t you?’
Teresa looked at him wide-eyed and said:
‘Wait Jackson..no it’s not…Jackson..I’m tired..and you’re not making sense….’
He replied:
 ‘I’m right..you’d marry for money…wouldn’t you?’
Then he rose to go away:
‘I’m going …’
As he walked away, she shouted:
‘No..you’re not right…’ He turned and said:
‘You’d marry for a necklace…wouldn’t you?’
‘A necklace?’ Teresa asked. He looked at her quickly and turned away again. She called out:
‘Wait Jackson…’
‘You want to escape from here…is that it?’, Jackson said turning around again and she said:
 ‘Why wouldn’t I.. I don’t want to go on the streets….again..ever..’
‘You have work..don’t you…and why don’t you go to work with Antoinette…she’s gone to the country to work..there’s factories there…’ 
She didn’t know what to say. She felt tired and she said without thinking: 
‘And what if he wants to marry me…’
‘This man..this admirer..alright..but you’re marrying for a necklace…’
‘You’re mocking me, Jackson..that doesn’t make sense…’ 
He was silent. Then she said:
‘Ask me why I would marry him…Jackson.’
He answered quickly:
‘Teresa, I don’t want to know.. I don’t want to know… I have just seen the necklace..that is all…and I know it’s valuable. Is this man so stupid..does he know how valuable it is…’ Teresa replied:
 ‘No Jackson…I’m tired..I know I can’t answer your questions. You ask if I marry for a necklace and you know I don’t…He gave it to me. He likes me, doesn’t he? ’
 ‘Alright, Teresa, I’m going.. He said and he turned and walked away. This time she let him go away. 



---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A week later Teresa sat with Anette in a coffee-house. Teresa had just mentioned that Jackson had decided to move away from the city. They were quiet now. Teresa looked at Anette closely. She had't told Anette that she planned to marry. Yes in the last week she had begun to think that it was right to marry Denby. She felt alone too now that Antoinette and Jackson were gone. Then Teresa said quickly:
‘I’m going to marry…’ Anette seemed to study Teresa. Yes she felt that this man might propose to Teresa. She was just surprised at the tone of Teresa's voice. There seemed to be fear in it. Anette answered:
‘You are happy then..is it what you want..’
Teresa smiled and nodded. She felt Anette's eyes on her, looking carefully at her but she didn't want to talk of the marriage, or Denby now. She had mentioned the marriage to Anette. That was all she wanted to do.
'I'm marrying...that's all....'
She heard Anette say quickly:
'You are happy...I asked you if you were happy...'
'Yes..I mean...'
Then Teresa said:
'You know the necklace...the one Denby gave me...'
'I''d love a gift like that...', Anette said cheerfully.
'No...I told Jackson...and maybe I shouldn't..he steals...'
'You said he's gone...anyway the necklace is yours...when you marry it will be in your possession...'
Teresa tried to smile.
'Yes, Anette, I just thought he’d try and steal it…’
They were quiet then and then Teresa said:
‘I feel so lonely…I feel so… I need something…Antoinettte's gone..’
‘You want to marry..you're lonely....there’s nothing wrong…he’s in love with you.. I know..’
‘I like him’, Teresa replied quickly, 'I like him a lot..’
Aneete looked away. As Teresa looked at Anette's profile, she suddenly remembered Aimee. Yes she hadn't seen Aimee in a long time. Still Aimee had the same high cheekbones as Anette and that was what reminded Teresa of the former. Then Teresa closed her eyes without thinking. Yes, that money..she had stolen money from Aimee..but that was weeks ago...Aimee didn't seem to think it was her...or maybe she didn't notice...but AImee had a lot of visitors...she had lots of friends...

Then Teresa said suddenly:
'This summer has been long, hasn’t it , Anette..we can still remain friends…I mean I know you want to go back to Sweden..don't you?’
‘I’ll go back to care fro my mother..she’s sick..but I’ll come back, Teresa..’
‘I'd like to remain friends, Anette’, Teresa said looking closely at Anette.
‘Yes we will’, Anette replied. There was silence as Anette seemed to think of something. Then Anette said:
‘You mentioned the necklace…are you just marrying for ..a house..security..I just want to know..I mean you're a friend, Teresa...I'd marry for security..but I'd have to like the man too..’
‘Anette..that’s wrong..no please don’t say that..that damned necklace..no I mean it's the only thing anyone gave me..you know...oh I don't know..', Teresa felt as if words were coming from her mouth. She didn't know what she was saying and she felt confused. She stopped and tried to think. Then she said:
But Anette.. I want to remain friends…I can’t live a life anyway on this…I couldn't marry for that..Jackson asked me...maybe I'm marrying for some security...but I like him...'
'I understand, Teresa'.
Teresa seemed to wait for Anette to speak further and Anette said:
‘No I understand, Teresa. You like him, I know that and there is some security too..he will care for you..and all.. I understand…I understand…’


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Next weekend, Denby and Teresa took a train to the coast. They were now in agreement, both of them, about marrying. They both sensed they were alone now, alone together. Aimee spent less time with them and for Teresa, Antoinette was gone. They spent more time together and one evening, Denby asked Teresa if she'd come to the coast, just for a day. Teresa agreed.

They sat opposite each other on the train. It crossed Teresa's mind that the guesthouse owners would think they were married but this didn't bother her and it didn't seem to bother Denby. Above all, both of them wanted to be free of the city for a day or two. As she looked out of the window, she felt her mind empty. It was that fear again. She felt lonely too. She saw more of Denby but that was right! No she spent more time with him now that Jackson and Antoinette were gone. Yes she was alone now and she needed something. Yes she needed to marry, Was this the right reason to marry? She looked at Denby quickly and their eyes met. He said quickly:
‘You are lonely…Are you lonely, Teresa’.
'No, I have you..', she said without thinking.
'But this world here..these fields..and then the sea...you won't feel lonely...', Teresa tried to smile. Then the image of the sea came before her. Maybe she would feel lonely.
'Yes.. I do..I think...', she stopped. She couldn't tell Denby about the fear in her. Yes she could hardly look at the countryside outside. She felt she had no interest in it although it was all new to her. She heard Denby say:
'I thought it'd be nice to go on this trip...you said your friends have left...and..'
'It is nice...'
'We can sleep separately...and..but we have the same room...'
'Of course...I don't mind...'
Then Denby bent over and touched Teresa's knee. He said:
'That's why I like you..you're gently..kind...we understand each othe..don't we...'
Teresa put her hand on Denby's hand. 
Then she thought of something and she said:
'Will we marry there...you know by the sea...?'
Denby sat back quickly:
'There's no hurry to marry is there..but it would be nice...'
'I mean..when will we marry?'
'When we come back..maybe in a few weeks..would you like that?'
Teresa seemed to think;
'I'd like that...'
'I have some family...I'd like them to be there...'
Teresa was quiet then as she listened to the noise of the train. She looked back and said:
'Yes when we go back..I'd like that...'


When they came to the destination, it was nearly evening. They alighted from the train and walked through the town together. Denby seemed to know where he was going. Maybe he was here before but Teresa didn't say anything! As she walked through the town, the thought came to her that she didn't really want to go back to the theatre or the place where she lived. Yes she wished she didn't have to go back! Why not marry..oh she wished they would marry quickly now...she wished she could leave the theatre as soon as possible and she didn't want to go back to her own rooms. 

Then there was the sea before her. Denby turned to her and smiled:
'You like the sea...'
'I like it..', Teresa said without thinking. 
Then she heard Denby ask:
'Is there something wrong...'
'No...I was never by the sea...I wish I didn't have to go back...', Teresa said quickly. They were quiet then as they continued to walk to the guesthouse. 

They sat in their room later. Teresa sat on a chair in the corner beside the window as Denby stood in front of her. She said then smiling:
‘They think we’re married..do they..?’
'We'll be married soon...'
'In a few weeks...?', Teresa asked softly.
She saw Denby smiling.
'Yes..in a few weeks...'
Then she said suddenly:
‘I don’t want to go back to the theatre, to work.. I want something new…’
'Yes, you don't need to go back..I told you we'll get married soon...'
He came over and touched Teresa's right shoulder.
'Be calm, Teresa...I thought I knew you...there's nothing wrong..we will marry..we are together...'
Teresa tried to smile. Yes Denby must think she was behaving stangely. She said then:
'No, marriage..it's made me hopeful...I'm looking forward to it...can you say something like that...'
'Of course...'
Denby seemed to think and he stood at the window looking out. Then he said:
'When we marry..you can move into my rooms...then we'll get somewhere better..'
'Yes..that's alright...'
Denby turned to her and said:
'You are in agreement..you can move into my rooms..you don't mind?'
'Of course not...', Teresa said quickly. 
‘We'll marry when we go back..yes.. we’ll get married in the city…when we go back…I’ve told my friends anyway that I'm marrying you…’

They were quiet as lovers are now . She was conscious then of the silence around her. She felt the sea beside her too. The silence now meant a new life was beckoning for her. She felt the sea rising, the waves rising and turning. Yes it all signaled a new life.  

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


The following day they walked along the beach. They would return in the evening to the city.

‘I feel so alone’,Teresa said to Denby as they stopped and looked into the sea. She looked out and continued:
'It’s so quiet here..so quiet'.
‘walking along like this…I know..it’s strange here…’
'It's not strange...'
'But it's quiet...look there’s couples in the distance..they…’, Denby said looking ahead of him.
Teresa made a noise as if to speak and Denby said quickly:
‘What ..Teresa..’
Teresa was going to say that others might think they were a married couple but unmarried couples walked along the beach too! 
Then they stopped and Denby said:
‘You’re cold aren’t you..Teresa…come close to me..’
She felt the wind at her face and Denby pulled her to him. She said quickly:
‘You're the only one I have...I have no real relatives.. I don’t want anyone at the marriage..’
‘You need someone..just a friend from the theatre..maybe..a witness’
‘Yes’ she said pushing him away gently and looking at him closely in the face. She said:
‘You’re kind to me..why are you so understanding….so kind…I don’t understand..’
'I love you, don't I ...?', he replied. 

Then as it began to rain, they both turned automatically in the direction of their lodgings. 
‘I am lonely’, Teresa said suddenly , 'I am lonely. This place isn’t for me’.
‘You mean this day away to the sea, come on Teresa. It's only a day..it will do you good’, he said smiling.
‘But I’m so lonely….’ she seemed to repeat herself. Maybe it was the cold. Maybe the rain. She felt as if she had to speak. There was that fear in her. She felt as if she had to say something and she kept repeating the fact she was lonely. Then Denby said suddenly:
‘You’re not lonely with me, are you?’ She didn't answer immediately and he heard her sigh almost with coldness as she pulled the coat around her. Then she looked up at him. She said quickly:
'No...I mean..I'm cold..that's all..I'm not lonely..no that's not it..I’m not lonely…no I’m cold.’


END